Galaxy Echo

April...Already? Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T22:34:00.007-05:00

Wow, April already...Actually, almost a week into April already! You know it seems like I just started the semester yesterday, but in reality, we're well over half way done! My last class ends May 17th, which is incredible, exciting, and kind of scary! Time is really flying by, especially lately. I guess that's what nursing school does to you, it keeps you too busy to be bored and to notice the time. I know I haven't blogged as much as I would like to since the beginning of this semester, but alas here I am. That silly persistent insomnia has struck again. I don't know what's going on lately, but for some reason these past couple weeks I haven't been able to sleep very well, but it's not bothering me too much (yet)! School and work is going well. For those of you who don't know, I have been working as a nursing tutor since lately January, and I absolutely love my job. There aren't many hours, and the pay sucks, but it's fun, it's a little extra cash, and it will look great on a resume! I've finally gotten "in" with the teachers I work with, which is awesome. They treat me special, which is cool. What I mean by that is, they will take the time to explain things to me, or to talk, or to help me with homework. They even include me on workplace gossip! Talk about being "in!" I do love my job, in many ways. That's what has solidified my third dream...to become a nurse educator (which is just a fancy term for a nursing teacher). And I can see your eyes looking around and you saying "third dream?" Well, I have three main dreams...one I have already reached (becoming a LPN) my second dream is to finish the RN program and get my RN license. Third is to get my masters degree in nursing, and get a job at a tech college or university as a teacher. See? Makes sense don't it? :) Anyway, not too much has been going on here lately. School and work keep me busy most of the time, and lately in my "free time," what little I have of it, I've been getting back into drawing, writing, and playing my trumpet. My mom got me a beautiful blue trumpet as a graduation present (blue is my favorite color), which for me is probably one of the best presents I've ever got(or could ever get)! I was in band for a long time, but we always did the renting thing; never could afford to get a trumpet until I found a site on ebay that sells instruments in bulk. So for just $110 (and free shipping) I got my trumpet, a carrying case, a polishing cloth, a pair of white gloves, valve oil, and a digital metronome/tuner. It was an amazing deal let me tell you! Anyway, back to what I've been doing in my "free time." Here's a couple pictures I drew using my mouse and Paint Shop Pro 7.

So, what do you think? I love drawing a lot, and everything I've learned (both pencil sketches and computer/editing/animation) I've taught myself. I love the way things look when they're digitally drawn, but when you have to do it with a mouse... PITA...PAIN-IN-THE-ASS!!!! That's why I'm going to start saving up for a Wacom tablet. YAY for Wacom tablets! Below is a video of a little cartoon animation I made.

This one isn't anything too special or spectacular, but it still turned out pretty good, and it's cute! Well I suppose, it just turned 11:00 PM and I have class in the morning, so I should probably hit the hay! Good night all and hope you all had a Happy Easter!

Half Way There!

2010-03-24T05:56:00.004-05:00
Half way there! What I mean is, I'm officially an LPN now! I can still hardly believe it. I took the LPN boards on Friday the 19th and was CONVINCED I had failed. The test sucked. It was so hard, but again to my surprise I pulled it off and got the results yesterday that I passed! YAYYYYYYYY!!!! I've never felt so good about myself in my entire life. To reach a dream is an amazing feeling that I've never felt before. I've never had to work so hard in my life to reach a goal-ever! Not like I have to become a nurse. And I've finally made it. :) I'm in my third semester of the RN program, and it's going pretty good. We just got done with spring break and the weather was incredible. Then mom and I drove down to Milwaukee because that's where I had to take the LPN boards. Quite an interesting process they have to buzz you into the testing room. Fingerprinting, palm vein scanning, photographing, two body searches. EEKS! I felt like I was going to prison...or joining the FBI! You have five hours to take the test, but I finished mine in an hour and a half! That pretty much freaked me out right away, and the actual test itself was really difficult. I still can't believe I'm officially a nurse! :D I definitely owe a lot of my success to my parents who never gave up on me and always had faith in me. It makes me feel honored to have been able to succeed, for them and for myself! Now to find a job! I have to wait a month until my license comes in the mail, but that's alright. I'm not in a hurry anymore! :D We're half way done with this semester, and I dropped down to 3/4 time, so that set me back a semester, but it's all good. I'm officially a nurse!!!! :)

The New Semester

2010-01-15T14:09:00.004-06:00
Yesterday was officially the first day of the new semester. On Wednesday I had to attend this mandatory laboratory orientation, which was really quite pointless seeing as nothing has changed! Well, except for the fact that they are going to start charging us $25 if we have to redo a skill...just another way to nickel and dime us to death. We also got our health totes with our IV start kits and central line dressing change kits for our first skill in Advanced Skills. So yesterday I had my first two classes...Complex Health Alterations 1 (CHA1 as we call it) and Advanced Skills. I'm now in my 3rd semester of a 4-semester associate degree nursing program. This is the hardest semester out of all of them, so if I can pass this one, I'll be home free baby! Woot! There's 60 students left in my "group" out of 120 that started. It's that hard...yea. Unless you're a nursing student you never realize how difficult it really is. People laugh when you say you spend 40 hours a week studying and practicing new skills, but let me tell you, it's TRUE! Just ask my mom! :)) You spend so much time studying and doing homework and taking notes, and spend even more time practicing in the skills lab so you are confident when it comes time to actually do the skill on a real live person (unless the skill is an assessment which we practice on each other). I bust my ass working so hard at this and yet I see bimbos who can talk their way out of an apocalypse that pass with ease and it makes me so angry. Anyway, it's going to be a really hard semester...and LONG! On Mondays I have two classes- race, ethnic and diversity, and mental health...Tuesdays and Wednesdays are Intermediate Clinical Practice, which is 8 weeks of med-surg, 4 weeks "off," and 4 weeks psych rotation. and Thursdays is CHA1 then Advanced Skills. Thank God I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday to recover! :D My Mondays and Thursdays are 5 and 6 hours long, I only have a ten minute break between classes. Then clinicals for the first 8 weeks of the semester are from 3p to 9:30p...PM clinicals, YAY! No more silly o'clock wake up for me... until the last 4 weeks of the semester, then my clinicals are from 7a till 1:30p. Yea I know, complicated schedule! It's a wonder how I stay organized let alone anyone else I try explaining this all too. LOL. Anyway yesterday in Advanced Skills was pretty fun. We did blood draws and IV starts, so that was exciting although I already knew the skill pretty well, legally you can't do it as an LPN. I got my authorization to test the other day, now all I have to do is schedule my NCLEX-PN exam so I can get my LPN license! WOO HOO! :D It'll be a good thing to have in case I fail the rest of the RN program, lmao. Anyway I'm a little pressed for time and I'd love to stay and type all day, but I have to get back to my stress relief therapy...drawing! :D

I'm Not Ready!

2010-01-07T21:53:00.005-06:00
Seven days left until the new semester begins...the time is rapidly winding down, and my mind is rapidly winding up, along with the anxiety and stress. That is how a new semester always seems to begin! I remember one and a half years ago when I first began the nursing program, I was so terrified that I almost dropped out before I even started! Thanks to my mom I didn't quit, but I must admit, I do think about quitting all the time. In my life I've had a lot of challenges and obstacles that I give credit to making me a stronger, more resilient individual, but when it comes to nursing school... I *HATE* it! Now don't get me wrong, I *LOVE* nursing, and there's nothing in this world I'd rather do than become a nurse...but DAMN! It's hard, stressful, time-consuming, discouraging, and often feels like torture. I never thought I would want and need to work so hard to reach a goal in my entire life. I don't know what keeps me going, but I do know that I have to give some credit to my parents, especially my mom who continues to support and encourage me. Before the start of every semester I get in this mentality where I try and analyze the situation and create a strategy on how to complete it successfully...how to conquer the new challenges and obstacles basically; and try to recall which strategies have been successful in the past, and which have not. What has me worried the most in this upcoming semester is that it is the hardest semester of nursing, so if I can make it through this semester, the last semester *should* be a breeze! Hard to believe I only have 1 year left until I'm an RN! I'm definitely looking forward to it. If I have to do much longer than that I'll keel over dead from stress! I suppose that's why they make it so unpleasant, so people will work their hardest not to fail! I think other college and universities should implement that strategy, because I know the University in Green Bay is nice and cushy, so people don't want to leave and enter the harsh reality many folks refer to as "the real world." Like one of my cousins for instance...She gets all this free money for school so she doesn't have to work, and she has no incentive to pick a degree and work towards it. Not until recently that is! For the past three years she has received a bunch of scholarships and grants from the government because her parents are in the poverty level (although they live better than me and my family do!)... so every couple semesters she switches her major, basically in an effort to extend her graduation date. She lives in the dorms (she gets free housing), free tuition and book money, and a LOT of extra play money! A prime example of how people work the system. Then there's people like me, whose parents don't make a lot but we're not considered poor... They can't afford my tuition and books (and neither can I!), and I don't qualify for grants...I've applied for scholarships but never seem to get them. No, instead I have to get unsubsidized student loans. I work my ass off and I have worked hard to achieve the one goal I have had for the past 5 years (since I graduated High School). *Sigh* I guess it will make my graduation day all the more sweeter! I get so mad at lazy unmotivated people who just work the system while the rest of us "middle-class folk" suffer and pay the price for those "abusers." And now that the economy has went down the tubes, the government is just beginning to do something about it...by putting rules in place to deter that type of behavior. During winter break us students got an email... apparently they have just implemented a rule saying those who receive financial aid, get their returns, and then drop classes will have to repay that portion. ABOUT FRICKEN TIME if you ask me! I see it very often...people will enroll in 15, 18 credits, get their financial aid, then drop a few classes and keep the extra change! Talk about crooked. People never cease to amaze me. Nobody wants to really work for anything anymore, everybody wants it handed to them on a silver platter. I wonder how people obtain such an entitlement attitude. *Rolls eyes* I suppose it makes them feel like they are special, more special than everybody else. Hate to break it to them, but we're all sorta equal! People want equality, yet some of them want equality with special considerations! Hate to [also] tell them, you can't have both! Well, let me step off my soap box now and get to my ramblings!

Can't believe only seven days left of winter break, how disappointing! It flew by incredibly fast and it wasn't very good either. I started feeling sick the first week of break, then it slowly, progressively got worse. A week ago, I started getting these bad headaches like sinus headaches, like my brain was going to explode inside my skull! It was awful! Then I developed this lump on my head, slightly off center to the bridge of my nose near the corner of my left eye. It got really bad, it was hard as a rock, very painful and there was so much pressure. I waited a week before finally going to the doctor because I had hopes that it would go away on its own, but no luck! I really wasn't too worried until I started getting some swollen lymph nodes in my jaw and neck and a low-grade fever. Anyway, I finally went to the docs and what an idiot! I always get charged a $100 copayment, and then I see the doc for about 5 minutes, she tells me what's wrong but does nothing, and sends me on my merry way. Turns out it was a pretty nasty sinus and ear infection, an obstructed eustachian tube, an obstructed tear duct, and an inflamed lacrimal gland! The doctor said, and I quote... "oh, don't worry, this will go away on its own in time, *but if it doesn't* come back in!" Then she sent me on my merry way! I could have told myself the same thing. I was pretty disappointed. My doctor's office used to be a really good one until the regular physician and physician's assistant left. Now they have all these foreign doctors who come in, or fresh-out-of-med-school doctors. Nobody seems to want to do anything about anything, then send you a gigantic ass bill. No wonder our health care system sucks! You know, I don't think America should get NHS, but I also believe health care is a right, not a privilege. Maybe once I'm a nurse I will be able to make a difference, or create positive change. One of my other goals! I guess some people only look to make a difference in their own lives, but me...I want to make a difference in the lives of many. I suppose that's what makes me unique! That's what I love about this country, we Americans are dreamers! Unlike the rest of the world, we not only reach for the stars, we find a way to make it a possibility-to touch them, to feel them, to experience them. :)

Oh, that reminds me! LOL Yesterday I hung out with one of my cousins, we went to this new Chinese place for lunch (which was absolutely terrible) then we went to see that new Sherlock Holmes movie. GREAT movie by the way! It had a really good mixture of drama, action/adventure, and humor. A must-see for everybody; although for those of you who are sensitive and easily embarrassed by sexual nature (yes, most of you Christians out there), you might find the movie a bit inappropriate... so I suggest you lighten up and still go see it! :D I've read the reviews, and I have heard a lot of people saying that there was no storyline, or that the storyline wasn't complex? They are dead wrong! It had a very interesting storyline in my opinion, and people who are *THAT* hypercritical need to get a life, because damn, if you have *THAT* much time to sit there and psychoanalyze character relationships, or pick apart the storyline, you need a life... Obviously criticizing the artwork of others (whether it be writing, movies, music) you are trying to compensate for a lack of personal skill in that particular area. Oops, here I thought I had stepped off my soap box...guess I stepped back on again! You can probably figure out by now I don't take criticism well, lmao. I do if it's actually constructive and logical... but that's highly unusual these days it seems. Not to mention people who criticize others don't seem to do it in a very respectful manner, which I dislike. I know respect is earned, but I do believe everybody should be given *SOME* degree of common respect, unless they prove to be an incompetent idiot or just plain arrogant! Anyway, it's high time I head out. Got a bit of cleaning I want to do before school begins again, and I have to start my pre-semester coursework which I've been sort of putting off for as long as possible! Until next time, folks...!

2010 Poem-Cracked Mirror

2010-01-01T06:05:00.005-06:00

I look into the mirror, my reflection I do not see
The cracks create distortions of...a girl that isn’t me
I live inside a world that is littered with debris
While hanging in the balance...of hope and misery
Written by: Heidi (Galaxy Echo)

2010

2010-01-01T05:45:00.005-06:00

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.” It is strange why 2010 seems so different from the other New Years that I have experienced. It is significant, but I do not know why. It marks the start of a new decade, and some part of me deep down feels a hint of inspiration and hope in a world filled with pain, anger, hatred and sorrow. It was an average day today, and some vacation this turned out to be! I've been so busy that I'll be going back to college just to have a break! Yesterday I didn't do anything special...ran to the store, did some cleaning, made a mess in my room, went through my clothes to get rid of some for Good Will...had some in depth conversations with close friends and enjoyed the lack of chaos which I consider a normal part of my life! I have to admit, having good conversation with dear friends...reminiscing on the past and discussing the future can beat any party celebration or firework show. Even if the memories of the past are bad. My best friend and I had the best conversation earlier, talking about the "good ole days" :P yea yea I know!!!! It reminded me of a quote I once heard; "learning is the consequence of experience." That is probably the quote that defines my life! It's the reason we study history, so we aren't doomed to repeat it. My New Years resolution is to continue succeeding in my goal to become a registered nurse. I pray that the year will be easy, uneventful and free of most obstacles; however, I don't foresee *THAT* happening! I don't think life was meant to be easy, and I think when we want something extremely bad, you're always going to have hell trying to get it because it's the fight that we must endure, that strengthens us and makes us appreciate the things we want. I guess what I mean is, it's not the destination that's important, it's the journey we take to get there that is. It makes sense to me OK! Anyway, I just hope this year is better than the last! Happy New Year everybody :)

Two Words: "I PASSED!"

2009-12-21T19:41:00.025-06:00
Man what a fricken relief! I had my last final exam today, health alterations, one of the hardest classes in the nursing program and I got an 87% on the final and passed the class with an 83%. I am SOOO happy, because my GPA is still above a 3.0! Woot! All my hard work has paid off, because hopefully sometime this week or next week I will be receiving my Practical Nursing Diploma! Now I just have one year left of the RN program, with next semester being the most difficult of them all. But hell, I will soon have my practical nursing diploma and hopefully I will get my license, and that in itself is the biggest goal I've accomplished in my lifetime so I can truly say I am very proud of myself. And I know my parents and family and friends are proud as well, which makes it all the more better! What an excellent way to start the holiday vacation, and a great Christmas present to myself!
You know, for the past few years my family hasn't been very festive. Especially me, seeing as my best friend/cousin has been in the army for the past four years...it hasn't been the same without him, and although he won't be home for Christmas this year, I can truly say I am content with the way this year will have ended. Anyways, for the past few years we have not put up a Christmas tree, but this year my mom surprised me yesterday when she bought me a 6.5 foot white fake tree (her and I are both allergic to pine so we have to have a fake tree!) no mess either, apart from all the little fake needles falling all over the place lmao. I put it up and decorated it yesterday and I have to admit, it turned out damn beautiful!

See, told you it was pretty! I tried taking a picture of it in the dark but that was freakishly like something out of a movie based on ghost recon or something... talk about major blurry infrared, only in a very haunting way! I still can't believe the semester is finally over, and I passed! To be honest, I really wasn't sure whether I would pass Advanced Anatomy and Physiology and Health Alterations! We have to get an 80% in everything, and in the science classes an 80% is a B but in the nursing core classes an 80% is a C. Really stupid if you ask me, they should have just kept an 80% a B like in a "NORMAL" grading scale! But whatever, I passed and that's all that matters to me! So I can go into winter break with a smile on my face and a dump truck load of stress lifted off my shoulders! :D Best way to go into a holiday is on a positive note! Best way to leave a semester as well. Now it's time to sit back, relax, and enjoy my time off!

Nearing The End

2009-12-11T12:47:00.004-06:00
Damn, I can't believe how long it has been since I had time to sit down and blog. How depressing! The semester has been winding down very rapidly. We had a blizzard on Wednesday, and then had clinicals Thursday. Now picture this...I do clinicals at a hospital on the orthopedic medical-surgical floor...now imagine working on an ortho floor during the season with the most car accidents and broken bones! It was insane yesterday, jam-packed full of patients. Had the walls been made of pine, patients would have been crawling out of the woodwork! Hahaha, lame, I know. Sort of like the sad chemistry quote. "The name's Bond...Ionic Bond...taken, not shared!" LOL For those of you who understand a little basic chemistry, you will understand that one. It's hard to believe how fast this semester went by. I was laying in bed last night, of course with the usual insomnia striking once again, I couldn't stop thinking about how it seems like we just started the health alterations class yesterday! And now we are taking our final exam in two weeks! EEKS! We have our final lecture exam in that class this coming Wednesday. Tomorrow in advanced anatomy and physiology (AAP) we have our last lab exam, then next Saturday we have our last lecture exam. Tomorrow my group presents our group project, which is our equivalent of a final exam for that class which is nice because it's hard to fail.

These past couple weeks have been so busy I don't know how I haven't died from stress overload. Hey, that should be a nursing diagnosis! Last week I had to write three papers, one for my AAP group project, one for my OR experience, and one called the Biopsychosocial needs assessment. That last one was 27 pages after all was said and done. Last week Thursday and Friday I did a two day rotation in the OR, so that was an incredible experience. I got to see an inguinal hernia repair with mesh, a craniotomy, and a total abdominal hysterectomy with staging. That last one was really intense. It's kind of funny because throughout this semester of clinicals, I don't remember many of my patient's names, but my last OR patient, I will remember her. She's one of the kindest ladies I have ever met, and I pray that she will fully recover and live a long, healthy and happy life. It's those few patients you have that make all the stress of nursing school worth while. I really wish I knew how things turned out for her.

There is one thing I will not miss after my med-surg clinicals are done...and that is walking half a mile to the hospital at 6AM in subzero temps. I was smart this morning though, I brought along hand warmers; however, scrubs are not very warm at all, so by the time I got to the hospital my legs were pale and numb! It took till the end of the shift for me to regain full sensations in them, and by then it was pointless because I had to walk all the way back to my car, so they were numb all over again! Thank God we have our last clinical next Thursday. I can't wait for winter break. It is long overdue! And after clinical next Thursday, I get fit tested for the N95 respirator mask, which is for protection against airborne viruses. Fun!

Well, not much left to say, getting tired after the busy day we had today so I guess it's nap time! Chao.

"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."

2009-10-14T19:42:00.007-05:00
"There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

This quote pretty much says it all! Thank God for little miracles though, because today class was canceled, and our med/surg/OR clinicals don't start until October 22nd, so we have Thursday and Friday off as well. Woo Hoo! I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am, because it is a much needed break. Our health promotions final exam is this coming Monday, so I've been studying all day for that. A few friends and I are having a study group tomorrow, and I am sure that will be helpful for each of us. I'm not big into the group study setting, but it's something I tend not to do very often, so I figure, what could be the harm in going? In between though, I have to also study for my Adv. AnP lecture exam which is this Saturday, and prepare for the start of my new theory class and clinical. So much to do, so little time! My cousin is home on leave, he just got back from Iraq in mid-September, so him and I are going to see the movie "Where The Wild Things Are" this Saturday evening. I'm looking forward to it; it looks like an adorable movie! I also want to see that movie Surrogates, and Gamer one of these days as well. I don't go to see movies very often. In fact, the last movie I seen in theatre was Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen! But that's because I am a huge nerd and I absolutely LOVE Transformers! I'm 22, but I am such a kid at heart. Not much else has been going on here. We got our first heavy snow of the season two days ago, and it snowed like hell. It didn't stay on the ground very long though, thank God... so far I should say! I enjoyed doing some photography over the past week. I really enjoy it, especially with my mom's new camera (even though I pretty much steal it all the time, hehe). Here they are, enjoy!

2009-10-09T06:51:00.007-05:00
Today is officially our last day of OB clinicals. We just go in for our student-instructor evaluation, but I already know I got an "A." It really flew by fast, and I went into the clinical thinking this would be an area I wouldn't like, but I was wrong. In fact, I really grew to love it and I could definitely picture myself becoming an OB nurse! Yesterday was our last day on the unit and boy did we go out with a bang. 2 C-sections, 2 labor and deliveries and 4 inductions. We were booming. That was all in between the fire alarm, the staff shortage and a very interesting delivery. It was also a day to remember in the record book...I got sprayed with cord blood, marking the last bodily fluid I had to be contaminated with. I got to give lots of shots too, and that is always fun! We start our Med/Surg and OR clinicals October 22nd, so next week we have Thursday and Friday off, woo hoo. A much deserved and needed break. It's going to be a busy weekend. My cousin is coming home on leave today, he's flying in at 4:30pm from Alaska. He just got back from his tour of duty in Iraq mid-September. Saturday I have an Adv.AnP lab exam, Monday I have my last health promotions theory lecture exam, Wednesday is our promo final exam, and next Saturday is our second Adv. AnP lecture exam. That's not counting all the homework that's due in between! For Adv. AnP our lab exams are usually tested on the cadavers and models. Seeing as not many of us have time to attend open lab, they decided to FINALLY allow us to photograph the models, but of course not the cadavers due to privacy laws.

Here's a couple pictures of the models. The cost runs between $2-8,000 per model, depending on the detail and the manufacturer! And of course that comes from our tuition, so you can see why college costs a lot, lol. Speaking of outrageous, the weathermen are predicting the first snow flakes for Monday! Snow, ALREADY! Augh! Where's fall? It must have been in one hell of a hurry, because it came, stopped, and went all in one day! I suppose, I must be heading out now, lots to do, little time to do it.

No rest for the weary...unless you have a fever or cough!

2009-09-24T16:34:00.005-05:00
WOW has it ever been a busy day, week, AND month! I can't even remember the last time I blogged. We started our OB clinicals last week. It started out very busy. On Thursday, we took a tour of the facility, did our orientation packet (which involved a 57 question orientation test) and then met with the staff on the OB unit. On Friday, we met at 6:45am, got our patient information, then went to work. My day started immediately because my patient was due for a C-Section by 7am. It was an incredible experience, from scrubbing and gowning up, to holding the newborn in my arms after the doctor took him out of his mother's abdomen. Although it was kind of disgusting, it was also incredible. Seeing the father cry as I showed him his new baby boy, cleaned then assessed him was a flood of emotions. I have seen a baby delivered vaginally before, but never through C-section, and never as a student nurse. This time, I was involved, and it felt great to help bring a new life into this world. On Monday, we had our 2nd health promotion exam, another one down, and three more to go! I passed the first two, and I'm doing pretty good in the class. Hanging onto an A, so I'm happy! I'm doing good in clinicals too. The only class I have to study harder for is Adv. Anatomy and Physiology, which I have a C in so far, and we have to pass it with a B. It's a very hard class!

Today would have marked the 2nd week of our OB clinicals, but unfortunately, me, two other girls, and my clinical instructor are ill, so clinicals were canceled for today, and tomorrow is our college system's staff meeting, so no class either! I felt pretty crappy earlier, but this afternoon I felt a little better. My dad bought me a brand new saddle the other day, and I was so eager to try it out! Sooo, I worked with my mare today, tried the new saddle, and rode for a while. It's been quite a journey for me and my horse, ever since the incident last year. But we are both earning each others' trust again, and both becoming more confident. With my busy schedule I don't ride as often is I would like, or should, but this week I have managed to ride 4 days! Today, I got her into a canter. I HATE cantering too, mind you! I really like my new saddle. I didn't have to punch any holes in it because the stirrups are perfect length, the seat is comfy, and my mare makes it look very flashy! And it looks great on her as well. Here's some new pictures I took earlier of my new saddle. And the best part...it matches my bridle! *grinz*.

I hope the weather is nice tomorrow, there's a lot I want to do, granted this cold or flu or whatever I have doesn't wear me down much more than it already has. I also have a lot of studying to do. We have an Adv. AnP quiz on Saturday, then Monday we have our 3rd health promotion exam! Saturday evening is the barn dance, and I am very excited about that. I haven't had much time or energy to do anything non-school related, so it's going to be a nice break from living, eating, and breathing nursing. I am happy the 2nd season of Fringe has started, the 2nd new episode airs tonight! I should probably get going and do some studying before I get too engrossed in the visual-auditory stimulation of the television! Take care everybody!

Thank God for small favors!

2009-09-05T04:22:00.003-05:00
It's been a hell of a busy start to the semester, even though we're already like three weeks in! It's so hectic, I mean we just go with the flow because our schedules can change from one minute to the other. Some days I don't know whether I'm coming or going, but so far I haven't lost myself...yet! On Wednesday we had our first exam in health promotions, which is a theory lecture class. Mostly it's focused around OB and Peds care. It's not very difficult, it's just a lot of information to cram in our brains in such a short period of time. The way second semester works is our semester is broken down into halves, and thirds. The first nine weeks of our semester we have one theory class, and the second nine weeks of the semester we switch to the opposite theory. The clinicals run concurrent with a specific theory class. So we have Health Promotions with Clinical Care Across the Lifespan, then Health Alterations runs along with Med/Surg and OR. But then the Lifespan Clinical is broken in half... Community Clinicals and OB/Peds. The last third of the semester is the med/surg and OR clinicals. Yea it's not as complicated as it sounds! I'm in the promo/lifespan right now, and lucky enough to have the community clinicals first. So far I've been to a clinic, cardiac rehab, a neighborhood resource center (where my group provided foot care to the people in the community), and the GI lab. Yea, those last two I didn't find very attracting either. Normally I would have Adv. AnP on Saturdays but because of Labor day, we have today AND Monday off, WOO HOO! Thank God for that because yesterday after I got home from my clinical I was sick. I feel good now... probably because I slept for like 14 hours! Looks like it'll be a nice weekend too. I don't have very much homework to do because I worked ahead, so I just have two assignments to do, then I can be lazy for the rest of my weekend! YAY! And my cousin is coming over so her and I will probably make some mischief. I think my county's fair is coming to town this weekend too if it hasn't already. We'll most likely go to that as well. My dad took me to the other county fair last week, but it was small and very uneventful. Anywho, that's about all the new things that been going on here, and I'm getting tired again so I'm going to go relinquish my consciousness for a few more hours.

Interesting Orientation Topics

2009-08-20T12:03:00.008-05:00

Today was the first day of our 2nd semester nursing clinicals. The first 8 weeks of the semester I will be doing rounds in OB at two of the four city hospitals here. Now, everyone knows how boring orientations are, especially seeing as we were orientating to all four of the area hospitals, which two are sister hospitals. And any who, most hospitals have the same rules and regulations. But what the whole lot of us found interesting was the lengthy discussion on how to deal with anxious/agitated, and ARMED visitors/patients. Apparently recently, (most likely due to the poor economy), there has been an increase in the amount of armed people entering the local hospitals, not to mention the increase in car break-in's, so there was a whole two hour discussion on those two topics (I think it was because the hospital admin have been watching a bit too much of the movie John Q, you know, the movie about the angry father who takes the ER by force to get a new heart for his boy)... So yea, after that discussion, I sure can't wait to start my rotations! I can't believe summer vacation is gone. *sigh* I started my first class last Saturday...that's right...Saturday...a weekend class! YUCK! It is advanced anatomy and physiology, yay! (not). I used to love anatomy and physiology, until the incident with the broken cadavers tub...to make a long story short, the cadavers are in a big steel tub filled with preservative liquids. They lay on this platform that is raised up and lowered down by levers at each end of the tub. A year ago, during one lab period, I was one of the lucky people to help lift the cadaver out of the tub, only thing was they hadn't fixed the lever system yet! And I pushed down as hard as I could to raise my end of the platform, but something snapped and SPLASH! Yup, it was nasty. And yup, I did puke. Actually that's not the reason I stopped liking anatomy and physiology. It was the teacher I had during that semester who turned an interesting, enjoyable topic into a meticulous, uninteresting and overwhelming subject. Anyways, we finish our clinical orientation tomorrow. Seeing as we're into hospital clinicals now, our schedules aren't ever set in stone and they already told us most of the time we will find out the night before or the morning of our clinical shifts our patient assignments. Good thing I don't have a life. I didn't want one anyways, ya know?

I really am looking forward to clinicals semester though. From what I've heard, this is probably the most fun and interesting semester out of the four nursing semesters. Last semester our clinicals were at a nursing home which is stuff I've been doing as a CNA (certified nursing assistant) for years. I also worked at a hospital on the med/surg, ICU, and OB unit for a year, so I have my feet wet which helps, seeing as this semester is OB and med/surg and OR. I'm really really looking forward to working in the OR. That's gonna be a sweet rotation! I have also heard the instructors get a little more supportive as you continue on through the program. First semester is the 2nd hardest semester of nursing, and third semester is the hardest. They treat you like crap first semester to weed out the weak people, i.e. the ones the instructors think won't make it. The only reason third semester is the hardest is because of advanced nursing skills. I'm a little nervous about that, but after this semester is over with, I'm taking the LPN boards. After that when I get my LPN, I'm debating whether to finish my RN degree in the full-time track, or drop down to part-time. It's a really tough decision, but I'll deal with it when I get there.

I think the hardest thing this semester, besides advanced anatomy and physiology (A AnP) is gonna be the early mornings! I am so NOT a morning person, early bird, whatever. I am definitely a night owl, for as long as I can remember. And all my classes this semester are, you guessed it, MORNING CLASSES! EEKS! I'll slowly get used to it... probably by the time the semester ends! We have a quiz this Saturday, for A AnP, on cells and heredity. I hate that topic. Cells bore me and heredity isn't something I'm very interested in. I've always been interested in bones and muscles though, those are my favorite categories in anatomy and physiology. Someday maybe I'll become a cardiac intensive care unit nurse. That would be my dream job! That, or working in the ER. I can tell you this, if there would have been a high demand for EMT's or Paramedics, that's the field I would have went into. When I was 13, the local rescue squad had a Junior EMS program that offered basic first aid and life support training. I was part of it until the program closed, which was when I was about 16. It was after that program that I knew for sure I wanted to become a nurse. That's probably one of the only things in my life I have ever been 100% sure of, is being a nurse, well, working in the health care field I should say. I guess some people (like me) are lucky enough to know 100% sure what they are meant to do in life. I know this is what I'm meant to do, and it's what I want to do more than anything I've ever wanted to do.

I remember when I was in 8th grade we had to take this test and it determined which jobs we would be most successful at. I remember mine was nothing even anywhere near nursing. I was really upset about it, but then I realized it was just a stupid test. Counselors in middle and high school aren't very supportive of people. At least people in my situation, you know, average. I come from a middle-class family, and I didn't get the best of grades in school. I was on the honor roll in high school for only one semester! My GPA in high school averaged 2.6, and I didn't think at the time how important that would actually be, until I got into college. But you know what, I busted my butt studying in college, because people treated me as if I had potential, unlike grade, middle, and high school. It seems like that's a big flaw in our whats it called, primary and secondary school systems? They weed out the smart people and treat them different than the ones who struggle. I remember this psych study we reviewed in one of my psych classes. They took a class of students and treated the "average" students like they were prodigies, and the students grades improved! Because they were treated like they were smart. I do believe everyone has a lot of potential but we need to be nurtured in a way to encourage its expression. I know it's true because I went from being a high school student with a 2.6 GPA to a college student with a 3.5 GPA! Well, I could ramble on and on and on, which I really would like to do, but I must get going, I have to go study and do some cleaning. Until next time!

County Fair

2009-07-24T23:38:00.005-05:00

Well, here we are again. The weekend is here at last. Tonight was awesome! Me, my dad, and his friend Bob went to the county fair that's in town this week. It beats going to Polka Days and listening to horrible music and walking between staggering drunks. I love the fair, despite the excessive pricing of things. The animals and flashing lights are satisfying enough. It was really great, we all had a wonderful time. And something sort of funny happened. You know how carnie's try to get you to play their games? Well, this one man was standing at his tent and it was the game where you throw baseballs and try to break glass bottles by knocking them off shelves. Well... the man was throwing balls and missing the bottles... then we walked past and he said "how about you try your luck?" and without thinking, I blurted out "you can't even hit them bottles, but you expect us to?" and my dad and Bob burst out laughing. I wasn't even trying to be comical, it just popped in my head and out of my mouth! So that was an interesting little event. Then we got home about twenty minutes ago, and we weren't home more than five minutes when it began storming and pouring! You know those silly weathermen, they can't predict rain even if it's pissing down on them. They had t-storms in the forecast the past FOUR DAYS and we didn't get ANY! Until now that is... they didn't even say it was supposed to storm tonight, they said it was supposed to about six hours ago. But what can I say, weathermen are humans too (I think)! I'm glad it's finally raining real rain, you know, more than a hock of spit. The corn is so stressed right now, reaching its little leaves as far in the air as it can.

8 days until my birthday, woo hoo! I don't even know why I still look forward to my birthday, because I'm turning 22. I guess after 21 it's not really exciting anymore. I can smoke, drink, have sex, get married, sign contracts, that's about all most people care about. But I suppose it's still great to celebrate the day the world was blessed with my presence! This summer flew by so fast, I'm really disappointed. There was a lot I wanted to do, but just couldn't. And this is my last summer off until retirement. *sigh* Plus college will be starting soon, and I'm really not looking forward to THAT. I am however, looking forward to graduation. Only 1.5 more years to go! WOO HOO! After I finish this coming semester I can take the LPN boards, and once I'm an LPN I can really be proud, because that in itself is quite an accomplishment. And a year after that, I will go from student nurse to registered nurse. YIPPIE!!! Well, as Porky Pig would say, th-th-th-tha-thaa-that's all folks!

Wisconsin on CNN

2009-07-22T02:51:00.001-05:00
(CNN) -- The off-duty firefighters who rushed into a burning SUV and cut a 4-year-old boy out of the seatbelt saved his life, the boy's doctor said during a press conference Tuesday in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Read Article Here

Another Day, Another Dollar

2009-07-15T04:17:00.019-05:00
Well it's still busy 'round here, the horses alone are enough to keep me occupied! We built the new round pen yesterday, it looks awesome. Then a friend of the family who I swear is the horse whisperer, worked with Surri, Sassy, and Dollar. His 2 youngest kids rode Sassy (she's the pony). It was a pretty warm day yesterday, so that didn't make digging post holes any fun, not that it is fun to begin with! We decided to move around the horses again, trying to find a balance so they wouldn't all kill each other. I had to laugh, because a friend of mine assumed that all domesticated animals get along with each other... Talk about a real air head. She's a big animal lover, but very ignorant. I love animals too, a lot, but at least I never forget what they are-animals! Nature has it so animals who survive in social groups establish a pecking order-dominance and submission. I get so annoyed when people who don't know much about animals (especially horses) think it's terrible when they hear that the horses got into a skirmish. Then they ask why you didn't step in to break up the fight!!!! Yea, would you run in front of a 1000 pound vehicle with a mind of its own? Uh, no, not likely! Bah, anyways, the three mares are together now, and the gelding is in a pen on his own for a short while until they all calm down and can be united into one pasture. Anywho, here are a couple pictures from yesterday.

The Mares (from left to right) Blue, Surri, Sassy

The Gelding, named Dollar

Today was pretty boring, it sprinkled out earlier around dinner time for a few minutes, but it just got done raining pretty good now, thank God because we needed it desperately. The fields are dry and everything's turning to dust! I didn't do too much today either, some cleaning, ran to the storage shed to get more of my junk, then my dad grilled out and had a few of his buddies over. It was nice, grilling out, sitting at the picnic table with a great view of the horses. A picture perfect moment.

The puppy is getting antsy, up down, up down, good thing I can't sleep as it is! There's so much to do and only a month left of summer vacation before college starts back up. Then it's back to the Nursing Nazi's Boot Camp for Health Science Students, as we call it. Nursing is a great profession, all you have to do is survive college. After I finish this coming semester, I can take the LPN boards. Woo Hoo! Then after that, just one year left and I'll have my RN. I can't tell you how I anticipate that day when I go from Student Nurse, to Registered Nurse! Hopefully there won't be too many more obstacles getting in my way from here on out. My best friend just graduated in May with a bachelors in economics, but seeing as her parents have sheltered her all her life, she never bothered to get a job, until now that is. And, instead of getting a job in the field she just spent 4 years studying, she decided to get a crap job, making 8 bucks an hour putting bottles in boxes. But hey, whatever works for her, I'm sure with parents like hers, she won't have to work very hard until the day they die. I wonder if people were just not meant to be understood...Well, it's nearly 5am and I got a lot to do today, so I best lay down and get a few hours shut-eye.
~Good bye and Godspeed

P.S. This morning's sunrise:

Hope

2009-07-11T00:38:00.014-05:00

Have you ever wondered if you were where you are supposed to be in life? Is there an actual direction we are supposed to take, and a destination we are supposed to reach? How will we know when we have arrived? Seems like a pretty deep night tonight. I don't feel like myself. Usually I am a person full of hope and faith, but not tonight. It seems bitter, full of despair and disappointment, with an absence of self-confidence. I just got done talking to my best friend, and this may sound crazy, but her and I have been best friends for a LONG time, and it seems like the past few years, her and I have been alternating. What I mean by that is, when something bad happens to her, I can bet that something bad is about to happen to me, like fate has it that we are taking turns. But now...now it seems like we are both in sync with these concurrent negative events, like some evil force is working against us to see how much we can take until we crack. We haven't yet, but sometimes I do wonder if it is all really just a matter of time. But then something good happens that brings back a bit of hope, but all hope does is delay the inevitable disappointment. Right now I wonder which is better, to have your hopes constantly crushed, or to live in a world full of pointlessness and despair. Is despair when we cease to hope any longer? Is there really more to life, or is life truly just about existing? Something that we must complicate to appreciate its simplicity?

Despair

2009-07-11T00:34:00.005-05:00

Despair is like a monster inside you. It eats you from the inside out. It chews your guts, gnaws at your soul, and bores holes in your heart. It makes you feel hollow. Empty. Alone. Fearful.

You don't have to know a soldier to be thankful for what they have done, and what they are still doing

2009-07-04T21:41:00.007-05:00
You just have to take a look around this great country of ours...

God Bless America, our soldiers...every American. We are blessed to live in such a great country.

I am proud to say the following friends and family who are serving in the middle-east do so with courage and honor. May God look over them, especially during their time of service, and bring them home safely.

Happy Independence Day America!

2009-07-04T03:42:00.003-05:00

God Bless America, and the right to life, liberty, and equality, the freedoms every person should be entitled to; a belief in which this country was founded on.

The Animals: Part 1

2009-07-01T04:58:00.007-05:00

The First of July-ALREADY?!?!?!

2009-07-01T04:23:00.015-05:00
July 1st already, wow, where did the summer go? The weather has been so messed up lately. It's kind of sad, I didn't get to do very much exciting things this summer, although last week was pretty exciting...specifically Wednesday. Was getting ready to leave to see the new Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen... and I wanted to cut a few saddle ties real quick, so I grabbed the scissors... silly finger decided to get in the way! Ended up getting 4 stitches, but thank God I made it to the movie on time! So that was awesome seeing that movie. I am a huge geek when it comes to Transformers... and Star Trek...and and...the list could go on! The last couple days it has been raining out so I haven't done much. Took some great pictures and videos of the animals though. And the sunsets lately have been absolutely gorgeous.

This here is a picture of our other dog, Stanley (who I call Tanner).

And here is my horse Surri.

Here is a picture of the sunset the other day...and a picture of a barn at a friend's farm. Photography is a great past-time, especially if you have an "eye" for it.

I was going through my college costs today...kind of lucked out, this semester (tuition AND books) is only going to cost roughly $2,200. WOO HOO! All I have to do is prepare myself mentally for another semester of Nursing Nazi's Hell for health science students... Yikes. I love nursing, but I sure could do without the instructors' narcissism. It's pretty scary to think some of them teachers are actually nurses...I mean, it's terrifying! Just goes to show you, attitude apparently doesn't account for much in an employee! So it's a bit nerve-wracking, especially when I found out who my instructors were. The two instructors I hate the most, I have for all my nursing core classes...I keep wondering how I drew the short straw? Well, almost 5am, time to head out and be unproductive for the rest of the morning!

1:00 AM on the dot!

2009-06-22T01:00:00.005-05:00
Wow, what an incredibly busy day yesterday was! Helped my dad at his friend's farm feeding calves. Had to be up at 6am, luckily I didn't bother going to sleep so I didn't have to get up! By 7am it was already cooking out, and the humidity was for the bugs that's for sure! We got done in 2 and a half hours so that was nice. I was going to give my horse Surri a bath before the lady came. We're in the process of selling her. She's not a bad horse most of the time but she definitely has her moments...like anytime she is with any other horses! It made for some "interesting" group trail rides that's for sure. She didn't sell however, apparently she was "too big," which is true, she is a gigantic horse, but probably one of the most beautiful horses I've ever seen. She never did get her bath today though! I was dead to the world by the time we got back from the other farm that I lounged around until half after 3pm. Then my sister and her two kids stopped by so that was a real nice surprise.

It's supposed to be a real hot week this week, and humid too. Thank GOD for my new AC unit! The first summer I won't have to roast to death up here, yay. It's a shame we sold our pool, I wish we could have kept it and just moved it into the sun at least that way it wouldn't be ice cold, because it sucks jumping in a cold pool in the scalding hot weather! At least now I can just run up to my aunt's house for a dip and not have to worry about any pool upkeep, hehehe. I'm hoping we get Freckles back soon, but if it were up to me, I would keep Surri and STILL get Freckles too! The other horse and the pony are in their own little pen which is now extended and I was so shocked by how fast they mowed down that tall grass. They are real beautiful too. I could just sit and watch horses all day long, they're such beautiful creatures.
Well, I'm starting to get tired again so I am off to bed.
~Good bye and Godspeed

A Summary of Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-25T21:37:00.009-05:00
Wow, I was so busy this past weekend and got a lot done that I wanted to get done and that makes me real happy! My cousin and I took a drive to the park in the town over and took some pictures of the big pond they have. After we got back she ended up spending the night and was such a big help with the yard work. We have a gigantic front yard and the grass was in dire need of a trim! So she helped me cut the front left half, which between the two of us and 2 push mowers, it took about, 5 hours or so. I brought her home Sunday, then Sunday afternoon I finished the right half of the front yard which took all day! But it is finally done and looking gorgeous. It will look even better when I'm finished decorating it, and I can't wait to see how it all looks in the end!

Today I was so sore I didn't hardly get anything done, and there was so much I wanted to do seeing as today was the last nice day we'll have for the next two days. We got our new horse yesterday. Traded Surri, our "jolly giant" for him, and he is pretty much just as big! Beautiful horse too, hopefully after a little work he'll calm down seeing as he hasn't been ridden this spring yet (well, not counting today). It's been about a year since I've ridden, so I best start stretching now because it's going to be a rough ride (for me)! Ever since that damn riding accident my hip and pelvis hasn't been "just right," so hopefully my dad's friend won't take me on the crazy trails right away! Anyways, here's a picture of him. He's a 10 year old gelding, American Quarter Horse, Appaloosa cross, I think. His colors are very unique, which adds to his beauty!

Hard to believe this day flew by so fast, augh. The puppy must have gotten quite a bit of exercise this weekend, seeing as he let me sleep every night for the past two nights! He's zonked out on my bed right now, poor fellah. He's too cute when he's asleep! When he's awake though...look out, because he's full of piss-n-vinegar. (Yes mom, you may steal this picture if you would like :P) hehe. Tucker (the puppy) was such a big help when I was doing yard work. He left some tennis balls in the grass so I could run them over with the lawn mower and use them as projectiles at the house and vehicles! I must work on my aim, however...

Ok so here's a funny story...My cousin and I were cutting the grass, and we were over by the apple trees and heard this humming like the sound of high-voltage electricity...turns out it was a bunch of honey bees pollinating the apple blossoms! It was the strangest sound because the bees are kind of small that you really have to know what you're looking for to actually see them! It was kind of neat, but I'm glad we didn't piss them off and get stung! *phew*

That pretty much covers my Memorial Day weekend, which once again, I got a lot done and I'm very happy! It was one of the better weekend's I've had in a while. I've been so insanely active and busy this past WEEK that I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow and Wednesday while it pours and storms! Guess I'll have to finish the house work that I started on a few days ago and never got around to finishing, since it was so gorgeous outside!

Anywho, here are a couple other random pictures I took while outside yesterday. Enjoy!

Words Not Needed

2009-05-22T21:11:00.001-05:00

Click Image To Enlarge

2009-05-17T15:13:00.001-05:00

Oh Sweet Relief, You Have Come At Last...

2009-05-17T03:02:00.021-05:00

Well, I just have one final exam left...Developmental psychology, which is this Wednesday. I am so relieved that I passed Human Body in Health and Disease with an A, and I was the student in the class with the highest grade...WOW what an honor! And I passed General Anatomy and Physiology with a B, which was what I was aiming for. I'm still waiting on my Written Comm score but I'm almost 100% it is also an A, and psych I know I will get an A in. WOO HOO! I can't explain in words how nerve-wracking this past month has been, but now, knowing how well I did, it is such a relief, and I am very proud.
This week I tell you...it seems like some supernatural force knows that I am just about to wrap up the semester, because all shit hits the fan! Just one example was the call I got Thursday morning from an old nurse friend I used to work with. She and her husband were in need of assistance seeing as the storm Wednesday night had knocked down their shed, so I graciously decided to go over there and help clean up the debris Thursday morning before class. There I am, tossing wood into the fire and about 3 feet away...her husband decides "hey, why bother going to the recycle center when I can just toss these glass bottles containing PAINT THINNER...into the fire?" Of course he's pretty old and senile, so he throws them in...me a mere 3 feet away...with no clue, because he gave me no warning! The next thing I know I hear this big KABOOM and suddenly my head feels like it's been split by a cord of firewood...I open my eyes and had a fantastic view of the sky. Well of course I could only see out of one of my eyes after that little episode! So I knew at that moment it was going to be one hell of a day...then I was late for class, and I was half way there when I realized (due to the clusterfucked day I was having) that I had forgotten my papers that I had to hand in! So I turned around, got home, grabbed my paper, and hauled ass to school. But in the end, everything turned out alright! I did well on my final exams, did well in my classes, and since all that stress had dissipated, I was finally able to get a good night's sleep! Of course without the constant supply of adrenaline and cortisol coursing through my veins, I feel like I don't have the energy to do *ANYTHING* now!
The weather was pretty decent today, bit chilly and windy, but the sun was out and that's really the most important thing! I've been trying to organize the pictures and videos I've took over the years...but I gave up. It's pretty hopeless to go through 10,000 photos and 500 home movies. I think maybe I'll just dump them all into one folder on the computer and delete any duplicates then arrange by type...That seems like the easiest option! And it seems like the gelatinous sludge seeping out of my ears (the junk encased in my cranium I like to refer to as my neural network) seems to be once again solidifying. So for all of you who were concerned, fear not my young pathogens...I mean patawons, for my brain is re-entacting!
Wow the creativity is rolling off my tongue now...I seem to be making up new words, yay! But laughter is a good sign, it means I am returning to normal. Watch out world, here comes Heidi! Woo hoo, I just checked the forecast and it is looking really promising! YAY! Although it might not be as warm as one could hope for, the sun will be shining through and that always seems to give me such positivity.
Well, I'm off to bed to recover from one of the most stressful weeks I've ever had (one of the many, just to be clear).

Almost There!

2009-05-14T01:07:00.004-05:00

Another wet and cold day here in Wisconsin...seems like our weather is somewhat confused...this is supposed to be time for crazy weather and tornado's! Instead it is just cold and rainy-too predictable. Yuck, I want some sunshine. Today the weather is supposed to look more promising-plenty of sunshine and a high of 66, woa, not sure if I can handle THAT heat! I took my first final exam on Tuesday and I think it went pretty well...Almost certain I got at least a B, maybe an A! Woo Hoo. I take my last AnP lecture exam tomorrow, we have to go to the test center because we ran out of time during lecture last week. If our instructor didn't ramble on and on so long about useless shit and dull discussion there would have been more time. *rolls eyes* I did study some for it, but now I'm to the point where I really don't care (I do but I pretend not to) and pray to God I pass! Anyways, Friday I have the AnP final exam, which I'm scared to death about but there isn't much more I can do about it now except hope and pray. Hopefully after the semester ends I'll be able to get back some sort of a sleep pattern that involves more than 2-4 hours of sleep a night, which is probably why I feel like I've been slowly losing my mind over the last 17 weeks! Speaking of sleep, I think I aught to try that right about now because I'm typing with one eye open!

Looking Through Dirty Glass

2009-05-12T00:25:00.003-05:00

I can't even begin to explain in words the chaos that has taken over my life...which I have spent so hard trying to tame the wild events that seemed to wrap me in a tight blanket, suffocating me. I don't know what's going on but I don't feel like I'm me lately. It's like I'm slipping into a dark void of misunderstanding and disorientation. It sort of feels like astral projection...where I'm watching myself from above, but also at the same time, looking through my eyes which seem to be distorted views of the world surpassing me at hyper-speed.

I have my first final exam today...and it's 12:28 AM. Luckily it's not like I have to get up early, seeing as my written communications instructor isn't having class until Thursday. And the only thing we're doing on Thursday is handing in our last papers. I'm not sure whether it is the extreme fatigue that is driving me closer to the edge of insanity, or whether it is an actual biological process innate in my genes that are finally being expressed. The Epigenetic Theory states that biology and the environment interact to create personality/behavior...I wonder if my traits are being pushed out, or maybe it's the stress and anxiety speaking! Well I'm tired, going to try that thing called sleep. I don't want to end up typing in my sleep and regretting what I typed!

Fighting Fatigue and Facing Finals

2009-05-08T23:57:00.010-05:00

Well, I have final exams this coming week and the week after. YUCK! My brain is already fried from all the "useless"(mostly uninteresting) information packed into my roughly 5# gelatinous contents contained within the cranium; composed of a mixture of gray and white matter; fatigued by 18 weeks of hypnotic, monotonous lectures and the smell of Formaldehyde, whose molecules direct themselves into my nose and torture me with the constant scent of dead people. YUM! Nothing like having to sit through three hours of truly uninteresting lecture only to be overwhelmed by the lingering smell of death as the instructor continues another two hours lecturing in a lab setting with uncomfortable chairs and very big windows, so that the sun can shine in and bake the cadavers. I'm glad that class is only once a week because I could have swore I read an article from the CDC (who are *never* wrong...) about the effects of inhaling Formaldehyde. Anatomy and Physiology is such a difficult class...extremely detailed and very meticulous. I have a short attention span when it comes to just sitting there watching a teacher recite from a power point. It's like, "uh, hello dude...I can read the same power point you are reading from...why not just let us leave already, ffs!" But anyways, I decided to start sleeping with my text books under my pillows...in hopes that osmosis will occur and my brain will absorb the information like a sponge. Well, I can hope, right?

Nearing the End

2009-05-05T23:46:00.003-05:00

Monday was a great day, so it is only logical that Tuesday sucked, right? Yes! What a screwy day it was/is. It is still Tuesday for another 11 minutes. Well, although it was a crappy day, some good did come out of it. I got the confirmation that I have been re-entered into the nursing program for the Fall semester, woo hoo! And also, I finished my psych life application paper, which is due Wednesday...tomorrow. There is just so much to do this week it's insane to try and keep everything straight. I'm still holding my grades strong, yay! Sometimes I wonder how I am able to even manage remembering where I'm going each morning, let alone maintaining straight A's and B's.

You know what I really hate...I hate when dreams feel so real. Nightmares actually. I *HATE* how real nightmares can feel sometimes, then you wake up and feel mortified for the rest of the day until the feeling passes. That's what started the morning for me today. And it's nearly midnight and once again here I am, wide awake typing an online journal that nobody reads. I don't even know why I keep a blog anyways. I keep a written journal as well. I write a lot. I just *HAVE* to write to stay sane. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't...but at least I can say I tried!

I talked to my friend Andrew today, it was so great hearing from him. He was recently deployed for his first tour of duty. To be honest, I didn't think I would miss him as much as I do. That reminds me of an article I read on CNN.com today..."500,000 expected to flee before Pakistan offensive." "The government sent out an evacuation order ahead of an expected military offensive in the Taliban-dominated region." What happened to the element of surprise???? No wonder we've been in Iraq for SIX FUCKING YEARS!!!! Un-fricken-beleivable. The power of stupidity never ceases to amaze me...

It's been one of those days...

2009-05-05T23:44:00.000-05:00

How True is This?

2009-04-28T21:12:00.002-05:00

Need I Say More????

Another Late Night

2009-04-27T03:24:00.007-05:00
It's 3:25 AM-still cold and still raining...and you guessed it, another restless night! I'm sitting here listening to the Styx Greatest Hits CD while reading the predictably-tragic news on CNN. There are quite a few startling articles tonight; the shooting at Hampton University, (Virginia again, no surprise, they breed lots of wackos) and the [new strain of] Swine Virus outbreak in Mexico. You don't have to be a student nurse or any other sort of health care provider to understand the dangers of this virus. And you should be worried, along with prepared. Although proper hand hygiene should always be practiced, it is especially recommended right now, along with always covering coughs and sneezes with a tissue if possible, otherwise coughing into your elbow is equally effective. This concept of coughing into the elbow frees the hands from contamination. It is also important to strengthen your immune system; right now the time is crucial. Foods high in antioxidants include: Fruits, such as berries, vegetables, such as peppers, parsley, and Brussels sprouts, spinach, and red beets, nuts and seeds, and antioxidant-fortified cereals/yogurt. So basically to sum this all up, practice appropriate hand hygiene, drink plenty of water, eat right, and make sure you get plenty of rest. Also, exercise is great, along with taking vitamins. Your immune system is one of the best defenses your body has, (and strengthening it is indisputable); besides the skin itself, which provides a physical barrier between the external and internal environment.

How routine is your routine? I was thinking earlier to how routine my routine is...the things I always do before bed. I never realized how much time it actually took until now, but I guess I have a touch of OCD because if I don't complete my routine every night, I can't seem to sleep (not that I can ever really sleep) until it is completed. Of course now that I have finished up with everything, I'm wide awake. GRRRR! This weekend was a total drag; the weather sucked and I don't have any homework that was pressing to be completed, so I ended up cleaning up my room a bit and organizing all my jewelry. The weather this week isn't looking too promising either. It seems like the real spring has finally sprung; rain...rain...did I mention rain? The temps have been low also, figures...I think if I don't make any plans, maybe we'll have a nice warm, sunny day?

I don't really feel like going to class in the morning, augh. Too bad attendance is mandatory...It's so stupid that it is mandatory, because I learn so much better when I'm not stuck in a boring lecture; wasting my afternoons listening to some self-appointed "expert" babble on and on about stupid things; when I could more easily acquire the information by reading the text book-which the instructor lectures from verbatim to begin with! Luckily the end of the semester is approaching, only 3-4 more weeks (depends on which class I'm referring to), and I am really looking forward to summer break. My grades are still holding strong, and I'm hoping I can keep them up. This is the worst time for me, when semester's end nears. I often find it difficult to stay focused, and I also lose motivation and patience quicker. Anyways, the weekend wasn't a total waste. Saturday and Sunday evening I spent a few hours searching through the college scholarship sites, and I filled out a bunch of applications. I *REALLY* hope I get one, or two, or more! It would be so sweet if I got even one though, that would help out so much, seeing as this economy is looking pretty dark, dim, and depressing. Obama signed into law an act that will make sure federal college funds are still available and offered to students, but who knows if that will really persevere in this rapidly failing economy.

It just turned 4 AM, I'm not sure if it is even worth it to try and go to sleep now! The puppy is curled up on the floor in his usual spot- right next to the wheels of my computer chair. He is such a people person, I don't think he could survive if he didn't have daily contact with people...sounds like me! I haven't heard any feedback on the status of my re-entry application. I'm so nervous about it, I have to get re-entered by fall, otherwise I think I have to start the program over with, which means re-taking all the my nursing core classes. That would be too much hell to endure over again. My best friend Mandy is graduating from University of Wisconsin-Green Bay in May, with a bachelors in economics. I hope she can find a decent job in this "indecent" economy. Funny, she'll have a degree in economics, and most likely will have trouble finding a job in the field of economics DUE TO POOR ECONOMICS! Talk about a true oxymoron! Well, I see the irony in it... I'm going to sign off now and hopefully get a few solid hours of solid sleep before class.
~Good night and Godspeed

Mother Earth's way of Population Control

2009-04-27T03:18:00.002-05:00

Global eye turns toward virus; Mexico cases soar
Health officials around the world worked to contain what appears to be a spreading swine flu outbreak early Monday, while one out of every five residents of Mexico's most populous city wore masks to protect themselves against the virus. full story

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words

2009-04-23T23:36:00.005-05:00

Need I say more?

Snow in Spring

2009-04-21T10:37:00.006-05:00

It's still cold...and it's still wet...but at least class was canceled...again! Woo Hoo! The weather is taking a break from snowing, and has switched to rain at the moment. I woke up at 7 AM this morning and there was a thin blanket of snow covering the landscape, which quickly turned to slush and now puddles of water. I just got done grooming the dog's nails. Stanley gets such bad anxiety when anyone messes with his feet so I try to do a little every day to get him used to the new pedipaws, but he still does not accept it well. Tucker (the puppy) on the other hand really enjoys the attention. It was another restless night last night, not much a surprise for anyone who knows me. I am, always have been, and always will be a night owl. But seeing as class was canceled, I most likely will go back to bed soon. Both the dogs are asleep on my floor and the snoring between the two of them is enough to vibrate objects right off of my desk! I don't have much to do today thank god, so I think the rest of the day will be pretty boring. I think I'll do some studying and finish cleaning my room and the rest of my laundry. Wow, 11:38 AM already, I kind of spaced out there for a while, I was messing around in Paint Shop Pro working on the image posted concurrent with this blog post. Graphic/Image editing is one of my specialties. The best part is, everything I can do on a computer with photo editing and all that jazz is self-taught! Pretty amazing huh? Well, I'm going to head out and take a nap.
~Good bye and Godspeed

2009-04-20T18:52:00.004-05:00

It's cold...and it's wet...but at least class got canceled! Last night I was up late finishing my "rough draft" persuasive-research paper, and thank god I finished it. I did actually get a whole three hours of sleep, then I woke up to discover class had been canceled and I cannot explain in words the relief I experienced. Seeing as the weather sucks, I ended up going to bed to sleep the afternoon away. I just finished the rest of this week's homework, and am now just waiting until Heroes is on. It looks like an awesome episode. I don't think there is much more to do tonight, so it looks like it will be a nice quiet and calm relaxing night. There is a new episode of Bones on right now, YAY! TV is awesome, I don't know what I would do without it. It's such an effective way of escape from the tragedies of reality. Well I'm out of here, most likely will write more later.
~Good bye and Godspeed

Really Freakin' Early O'Clock

2009-04-20T03:11:00.007-05:00

It's 3:12 AM right now, I just finished up the rough draft of my persuasive-research paper. Rough draft my ass actually, he just calls it a rough draft even though basically it is our final draft. I guess he needed a way for us to get 100 more points so he covers his ass in the competencies he's supposed to be teaching. My paper is on active euthanasia, and it is pro-support. It turned out really well too I might add, but I always do write well anyways. I guess I write so good because I suck at everything else. I pretty much suck at life! I'm kind of just spaced out now, my brain is a-bla. I'm not tired enough to sleep but I'm not awake enough to stay up until class, which I will have to wake up for in a few hours anyways, so not sure if I should even bother laying down for a few or stay up for a few and sit here being bored and doing nothing. I have a load of laundry in the wash but I'm too lazy to bother throwing it in the dryer now. The puppy is being a little bastard tonight doing the usual up-down-up-down dance. I don't know why either, he went potty an hour ago. I guess that's just how puppies are. The problem is he hears people rummaging downstairs and it gets him all antsy. Well, just took care of all that. Put the laundry in the dryer, I went pee and so did the puppy! You know, I wonder why boy dogs lift up their leg to pee. Is that like the equivalent of guys standing up to pee? Hmmm. Anyways, that sleep option is out of the question now. Figures too. Not really, it actually isn't the least bit surprising. My dad is awake, and if he can't sleep, that means nobody else can either, except mom because she could sleep through the next world war. So dad let Stanley, our other dog, into the living room, which is what Tucker, the puppy heard, and now he's all hyper and oh my god it is 3:25 AM and how am I going to be functional during class in the morning!

It's pissing down rain right now, and I can't believe how cold it got. Almost May and the forecast is calling for snow and rain mix for the next two days, YUCK!

Today
Rain and Snow Mixed, High 42°, Low 33°
Rain mixing with snow; cool

Tomorrow
Rain and Snow Mixed, High 41°, Low 34°
Snow mixing with rain; chilly for late April

Typical Wisconsin...it's like mother nature teases us up here...She'll give us a few days of absolutely gorgeous weather to get our hopes up, then sends us rain and snow! It really raises hell on the animals too, especially the calves. We already lost one calf and I'm 99.5% sure the other one is going to die very soon too. It's so incredibly sad to see baby animals die, they are so fragile and once they get sick it's almost impossible to nurse them back to health. That's what sucks the most about living on a farm. I wish I could do more for them, it just breaks my heart. Working in the health care field you see a lot of that...suffering I mean. And a lot of hopelessness. There are the good moments and the bad. I know that's the reason I lost my faith...a big reason anyways, not the only reason. When you see so many bad things in your life, there's only so much you can explain away with that stupid ever-so-often "god has another plan..." bullshit. Or "the lord works in mysterious ways." All I can say is, if you have faith, good for you, but some of us don't need to believe in the fictional word to have meaning in life. I almost died once, and I'll tell you this... You know what happens when you die? Nothing...You die and you get buried six feet under. That's all. Sorry, but it's the truth. The truth does hurt, especially when you hope for something so hard and you don't get it. It's a real kick in the gut. Ah, the joys of living in reality, rather than fantasy. I suppose, I should head to bed and try to get a few hours of sleep, maybe I will if I'm lucky! I have to pick out what I want to wear tomorrow, that way when I wake up in the morning I don't sit there for an hour deciding what to wear and try on all my shirts until I run out of time and am forced to wear the last thing I try on.
~Good night and Godspeed

Early O'Clock

2009-04-18T01:20:00.005-05:00
It's 1:21 AM and I'm absolutely bored out of my skull. Friday had its up's and down's, but overall it wasn't *too* bad, apart from getting only four hours of sleep before my major AnP lab exam, which covered the brain, cranial nerves, heart and associated blood vessels. It is indisputable how important AnP is to any health science program; however, sometimes I do wonder about the college's choice in staff. Anyways, back to the lab exam. The way a lab exam works is the instructor will use models and body parts; he'll place colored pins in a specific structure which we then have to identify. Sounds easy enough right? Well the problem then comes down to, which exact structure is the pin pointing to? Because if you've ever seen a real human heart (or brain), it looks like a pile of meat with strings and tubes. So it is hard to determine whether he is pointing to the Mitral valve, or the Chordae Tendonae! Or whether he is looking for a specific chamber of the heart, rather than the Papillary muscles. It can get really frustrating because these lab exams are a large percentage of our overall grade, so passing every single one of them is a must-there is no room for failure. That's the problem with the health science program courses; the questions are always broad, but the answers must be specific. Even if we have to peer through our crystal balls to distinguish the details of a question. Unfortunately, I don't own a crystal ball, and I'm no psychic. I keep telling myself that once this nursing boot camp is over with, my hard work will pay off. I really hope so, because sometimes it can be a living nightmare, and that the discouragement and knock-down's from the science Nazi's will...no, IS worth it. However, how much abuse should one really put up with?

Anyways, the weather was gorgeous today (I'm still considering today Friday), but I was so tired after class that I got home and slept solid for the next five hours! I had a lot I wanted to do, but sometimes sleep is the most productive thing one can really do. It can be almost impossible to be productive when you can barely keep your eyes open and your mind focused. That last sentence pretty much sums up what I experience every single day. It figures too, that I slept the beautiful afternoon and evening away today because this weekend, the weather isn't supposed to be as lovely. Yesterday (Thursday) was a nice day out too, and I didn't do anything too productive besides studying and doing homework. But I did have a nice time going for a short drive and taking pictures of the river at my "secret" spot, which is not so secret anymore. Sometimes all it takes to cheer me up is that one single moment of a beautiful view. And I like to share that sight with my friends. I guess it gives me a sense of...well, I don't know, but it makes me happy when I can share that captured beauty in a photo and pass it along to my friends and family. Especially if it is overwhelmingly spectacular. There's just something magical about being able to save that view forever, and that is what photography is all about. I can't say I really have many hobbies. Basically I just take pictures (all the time), write (poetry usually), or walk around outside with my dogs. Those are my coping mechanisms, and they seem to work pretty well, so far! If I have the spare time I do like scrap booking, creating home made greeting cards, which is a new founded talent, and sketching. Although the thing I like most is traveling. Every summer I find the time and money to take a short trip to the UP (Upper Peninsula of Michigan), my most favorite place on Earth. I'm pretty acquainted with the area and I love going up there. If it weren't so far away from my definition of civilization, I would move up there. It's a nice place to escape to when I need peace of mind and solitude.

I don't have much planned for the weekend seeing as it is supposed to rain, so I will probably just sit around studying and doing homework. I just watched that new version of "Journey to the Center of the Earth," the one released in 2008 starring Brenden Fraser. It was good, at least I liked it anyways. I'm about to watch another movie, "Body of Lies" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. It's about a CIA agent who teams up with a veteran operative to infiltrate an underground terrorist network and to locate a criminal mastermind. Sounds pretty good to me! Well it's nearly 2 AM now so I'm going to go and watch this movie and hopefully get some sleep.
~Good night and Godspeed

1:11 AM

2009-04-16T01:11:00.005-05:00
Well today was a good day. I had an exam in my developmental psych class, which I think went OK. And the weather was absolutely gorgeous, but I didn't really get much done except for straightening up my room a bit, and helping feed the cows at Will's. Then of course I came home and was so dead tired after my boring day at class that I took a nap. Dad went to Subway and got us all subs, so that was awesome to wake up to! It was yummylicious. Since there was nothing good on TV, I decided to finish up my online class. It is broken down into module exams. This particular class had 13 modules, and I had done 7, so tonight I finished 8-13. Now I'm sitting at a 90% in that class. The only thing I have left to do is go to campus and take the written proctored final exam, but I should do good on it, seeing as this class sort of runs concurrent with AnP. It's a win-win situation! I'm wide awake, as usual. Freakin' insomnia running havoc on my system, but that's nothing new. Later today will be a pretty busy day for me. I've got a lot to do, but thankfully I've finished my online workload so now I really just have to worry about my other three classes. We have a lecture quiz and a lab exam this Friday in AnP that I *need* to study for intensely. The brain and heart. The heart is my strongest subject, but the structures of the brain...That's a whole other story! I don't know why I've got such a boost in confidence, but it feels wonderful. It sucks being depressed all the time and having the need to hide it, but somehow I always manage to push myself along and drag myself out of the rut that constantly reminds me of what a nothing I've been for most of my life. But all is going pretty well now, and sooner than I realize, summer vacation will be here and I'll be starting second semester nursing. Woo hoo! Well, I'm going to head out, it's getting late and I don't want to waste the day sleeping.
~Good night and Godspeed

A NO World

2009-04-14T18:06:00.005-05:00
This is a NO world. No love, pure hate. No needs, just wants. Only ends to no means. No friends, just users. No reasons, no motives, no business to no heroes. No opportunities, just survival. No light at the end of the tunnel, no light in the darkness. It's all dark, where your hands are your eyes and you can feel the stone coldness that has no heart. NO Hope!

Murky Mondays

2009-04-13T22:21:00.009-05:00
Well, today was a nice end to my lovely weekend while my "little" cousin was here. She's not little, and she's 14 years old, but to me, she will always be my "little" cousin. We had a lot of fun and she is always such a helping hand, always willing to put others needs before herself. I admit she is at that age where she thinks she knows all and is all, typical adolescent egocentrism, which I am intimately familiar with, seeing as I went through the same thing at her age! But nonetheless, I always enjoy spending time with her. After I brought her home, her, her sister and brother helped me pick rocks from the quarry. You know, those big ones you sometimes see bordering people's flower beds and gardens. I must have got about 400 pounds worth, it was a killer on my car! Well, I drove back to the quarry so we wouldn't have to haul the stones so far, and put the parking brake on so my car wouldn't roll down the hill, like one of those Hollywood scenes that are ever so cliche. After we finished, I left and about five miles out, I noticed my car was acting very strangely; shaking and vibrating. I couldn't figure what was going on, but I just assumed it was because of the extra weight from the rocks. Then as I was going up hill, I noticed...I forgot to take off the parking brake! Anyone who knows me most likely would not be surprised by this, and label it off as another "Heidi-moment."

Class was dull today. On Mondays and Tuesdays I have written communication, with a teacher who is 40 but strives so effortlessly to act 20. It provides for good entertainment anyways. During the entire class we discussed only logical fallacies. Wow, so interesting eh?! Logical fallacies are everywhere, but most noticeably in politics. It's always good to know that every single person in this world has some self-serving motives, because we are all just human: corruptible, greedy, selfish, weak, not to mention extremely flawed. Great to know the people we appoint to be responsible to watch over our well being are no different than us, except they have more power. Yet we still vote for them, and we still have appointed officials. Why? Because as humans, being selfish and greedy and irresponsible, need authority. We need law and order. We all know what it is like to be completely lawless. Just look at what is going on off the coats of Somalia... There is an extreme lack of government, forcing their people to hijack ships and survive off ransom received. I don't agree that it is right, but what else can they do? Sit idly by and starve to death? Watch their children starve to death? You can say, "well, they should have made sure they were able to care for their children before having them," but when something that can't always be prevented happens, what can you really do? And there is no government to bail them out like our government is doing on wall street. Hmm, the economy is going to hell, so let's throw money into it and see if that helps. Nope, it didn't help the first time, but let's try again anyways! Those CEO's need their multimillion dollar bonuses. "You all are doing a bang up job, literally, keep up the bad work!"

It's funny how we look at things like health care and automobiles as needs. It's also funny to see what we have became, compared to how we used to be. I have a friend who I was talking to earlier. She also keeps a blog and was describing how unfair it is that rich people pay more taxes than poor people. I can, to a point, understand her logic in this area; however, I come from a family that does not make "a lot." For me, a family that makes over 100K dollars a year...WOW! To me, that's a whole hell of a lot of money. Yet she complains that it isn't enough. Nevertheless, that doesn't stop her from eating shrimp and lobster three times a week, or dropping 200$ a month at the salon getting her nails done, or spending 100$ on a spring dress that she could easily herself make. She doesn't know the meaning of sacrifice, or needs. She just knows wants.

I can't wait until the weather starts getting nicer. Here in Wisconsin, it's not uncommon to have all four seasons in one day! Today wasn't too bad, a bit chilly, windy and cloudy. My cousin helped me brush the pony, who I call "Sassy Ass." She's a really sweet pony though, a Shetland pony/Pinto horse cross. Very beautiful colors and markings. The best part about living on a farm is you are never alone. Animals are amazing creatures, most with the ability to sense emotions. I know whenever I'm in a bad mood I have many shoulders to cry on! More shoulders than I can count. Two horses, a pony, two dogs, a herd of beef cows, and about a dozen cats. It's quite a variety, and I would never give up the farm life. Although it can be a pain, and the smell during the summer is definitely unique...farm life can be so majestic, but it takes an animal lover to put up with the constant fence-mending and shit-shoveling. Nothing can compare however, to the sight of an absolutely beautiful horse galloping through the field, coat shimmering, almost glistening like sun on water. The rhythmic sound of hooves striking the ground with such force...it's truly amazing. I'll leave it off with that thought.
~Good night and Godspeed

Wandering Aimlessly

2009-04-10T23:42:00.000-05:00
It's been one of those days where you don't want to care, but no matter how hard you try, you still do. I knew nursing school wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't expect it to be *this* hard. It's not really hard; to be exact, it is more time consuming than anything else. Essays and research papers, to practicing skills and studying in the labs-not to mention clinicals. Nursing is easy to grasp, and mostly common sense, but anatomy and physiology is one of the most meticulous topics to learn, and the funny part is, this is my second time taking it! Last August was when I started the nursing program. I was so nervous before it started that I even contemplated switching majors, but my mom talked me out of it. So, I started, and it was rough at first, but the semester ended and I passed with 90-92% in all my nursing core classes..except anatomy and physiology (AnP as we call it). AnP is technically just a general education class, but it is a nursing requirement, for obvious reasons! Well, I knew it would be a lot of memorization, but who knew that I would just happen to piss off my instructor, who is a pretentious, self-appointed Deity of the human body...because his chiropractor license says so. Now, you may think I am paranoid for thinking that he failed me on purpose, but I was there, I know what happened! Well, since I didn't pass AnP, I couldn't move on to second semester nursing, so here I am stuck a semester without nursing, while a majority of my friends moved on (except a couple unlucky bastards like myself); and taking boring general education classes. Right now I'm taking four classes: Written Communication, Developmental Psychology, Anatomy and Physiology, and Human Body in Health and Disease. Only six weeks left of the semester and I'm hanging in there. I have three A's, and one B, so I'm pretty proud, so as long as I can hold onto my good grades. That will boost my GPA back up to above a 3.0, where it should be!
Well anyway, today we had our third lecture exam in AnP, and I felt extremely confident, until I saw my test score. What a real kick in the gut. I got a C, and it sucked, I was so disappointed. I really hate tests/exams, especially when instructors feel the need to try and trick you with giving you two really good answers, and logically both answers may apply, but you have to "pick the best one." What kind of bullshit is that? That's the problem with schools, colleges, and universities. They don't care about intuition, they just care about teaching ways of formal thinking. Luckily it only dropped my grade 2 percentage points, so I'm sitting at an 84% right now. I've got six weeks to bring it back up, I'm really aiming for an A, but realistically, I would settle for a B. I don't usually get pissed off too easily, but today was just one of those days. You sit there asking yourself, "Why do I feel this way? Where did my patience and reasoning abilities go?" My fuse was so short that I ended up leaving lecture an hour early and just completely skipping lab all together. It was worth it though because I have my "little" cousin (she's 14 yo) over here for the weekend. It's been a while since I seen her, since spring break to be exact, which was about mid-March I believe. Earlier when we got home, we started doing some scrap booking and watched some movies, which lasted until an hour ago. I haven't had time to do anything fun since her brother was home on mid-tour leave from Iraq, and this weekend I needed a break from anything college-related, so I made time. We're going to have a lot of fun. Tomorrow, I think we'll end up finishing up cleaning the yard, it's been a project of mine for the past week. There was a lot of junk, seeing as we live on a farm, things just tend to accumulate. But I always feel better when things are cleaned and laid out in an organized fashion. It makes me feel better about myself. It especially helps when your life is constantly in chaos, like mine used to be. I'm lucky though, I made it out of that situation alive, and I've got the scars as a constant reminder. Scars are funny things in that way, as each one has a story. Most of us only remember the more severe of them though.

Well it is now 7 after midnight, wow the time really flew by! My best friend will be graduating from a university in May, with a bachelors in economics. It's going to be hard for her, seeing as she has never worked a day in her life and her parents have always made the tough choices for her. She is my age (21) but almost everyone treats her like a kid, so that is how she acts. It's going to be a surprise when she enters the workforce and people start treating her like her age, and it'll begin to rub off when she's at home. I wish the best of luck to her though, she's always been such a great friend to me, always sticking by my side even when I royally screwed up my life. The other day when I was cleaning my room I decided to go through my "chest of memories," which is what I call my wicker chest. Have you ever gone through old pictures or papers, and suddenly a wave of sadness fell upon you? That's what happened to me, thinking of all the "what if's" of life...how would things have played out if this and that didn't happen. It's sad to think about, and I wonder why that is built into our cognition. Well, it's getting late and I want to catch an episode or two of Star Trek!
~Good night and Godspeed

False Hope

2009-04-10T00:53:00.000-05:00

Loving, hating, wanting, waiting
Life is such, it’s so degrading
Passed down to new generations
Accepted with no hesitations
Torture, anguish, hatred, sorrow
Hoping not to live tomorrow
The curses given without choice
Death will come with much rejoice.
Laughs, cries, it screams good byes
Life’s new start comes in disguise
Blinded by false motivation
Life is such, pure devastation.

Trapped

2008-12-29T17:30:00.000-06:00
Although our bodies are trapped, it's our mind that sets us free, because it's the only thing that we really will ever have control over...the only thing nobody can ever take away. When you feel cornered, physically ensnared, it's your thoughts that will take you away, just let your mind wander, and your dreams flourish.