Wandering Aimlessly

It's been one of those days where you don't want to care, but no matter how hard you try, you still do. I knew nursing school wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't expect it to be *this* hard. It's not really hard; to be exact, it is more time consuming than anything else. Essays and research papers, to practicing skills and studying in the labs-not to mention clinicals. Nursing is easy to grasp, and mostly common sense, but anatomy and physiology is one of the most meticulous topics to learn, and the funny part is, this is my second time taking it! Last August was when I started the nursing program. I was so nervous before it started that I even contemplated switching majors, but my mom talked me out of it. So, I started, and it was rough at first, but the semester ended and I passed with 90-92% in all my nursing core classes..except anatomy and physiology (AnP as we call it). AnP is technically just a general education class, but it is a nursing requirement, for obvious reasons! Well, I knew it would be a lot of memorization, but who knew that I would just happen to piss off my instructor, who is a pretentious, self-appointed Deity of the human body...because his chiropractor license says so. Now, you may think I am paranoid for thinking that he failed me on purpose, but I was there, I know what happened! Well, since I didn't pass AnP, I couldn't move on to second semester nursing, so here I am stuck a semester without nursing, while a majority of my friends moved on (except a couple unlucky bastards like myself); and taking boring general education classes. Right now I'm taking four classes: Written Communication, Developmental Psychology, Anatomy and Physiology, and Human Body in Health and Disease. Only six weeks left of the semester and I'm hanging in there. I have three A's, and one B, so I'm pretty proud, so as long as I can hold onto my good grades. That will boost my GPA back up to above a 3.0, where it should be!

Well anyway, today we had our third lecture exam in AnP, and I felt extremely confident, until I saw my test score. What a real kick in the gut. I got a C, and it sucked, I was so disappointed. I really hate tests/exams, especially when instructors feel the need to try and trick you with giving you two really good answers, and logically both answers may apply, but you have to "pick the best one." What kind of bullshit is that? That's the problem with schools, colleges, and universities. They don't care about intuition, they just care about teaching ways of formal thinking. Luckily it only dropped my grade 2 percentage points, so I'm sitting at an 84% right now. I've got six weeks to bring it back up, I'm really aiming for an A, but realistically, I would settle for a B. I don't usually get pissed off too easily, but today was just one of those days. You sit there asking yourself, "Why do I feel this way? Where did my patience and reasoning abilities go?" My fuse was so short that I ended up leaving lecture an hour early and just completely skipping lab all together. It was worth it though because I have my "little" cousin (she's 14 yo) over here for the weekend. It's been a while since I seen her, since spring break to be exact, which was about mid-March I believe. Earlier when we got home, we started doing some scrap booking and watched some movies, which lasted until an hour ago. I haven't had time to do anything fun since her brother was home on mid-tour leave from Iraq, and this weekend I needed a break from anything college-related, so I made time. We're going to have a lot of fun. Tomorrow, I think we'll end up finishing up cleaning the yard, it's been a project of mine for the past week. There was a lot of junk, seeing as we live on a farm, things just tend to accumulate. But I always feel better when things are cleaned and laid out in an organized fashion. It makes me feel better about myself. It especially helps when your life is constantly in chaos, like mine used to be. I'm lucky though, I made it out of that situation alive, and I've got the scars as a constant reminder. Scars are funny things in that way, as each one has a story. Most of us only remember the more severe of them though.

Well it is now 7 after midnight, wow the time really flew by! My best friend will be graduating from a university in May, with a bachelors in economics. It's going to be hard for her, seeing as she has never worked a day in her life and her parents have always made the tough choices for her. She is my age (21) but almost everyone treats her like a kid, so that is how she acts. It's going to be a surprise when she enters the workforce and people start treating her like her age, and it'll begin to rub off when she's at home. I wish the best of luck to her though, she's always been such a great friend to me, always sticking by my side even when I royally screwed up my life. The other day when I was cleaning my room I decided to go through my "chest of memories," which is what I call my wicker chest. Have you ever gone through old pictures or papers, and suddenly a wave of sadness fell upon you? That's what happened to me, thinking of all the "what if's" of life...how would things have played out if this and that didn't happen. It's sad to think about, and I wonder why that is built into our cognition. Well, it's getting late and I want to catch an episode or two of Star Trek!
~Good night and Godspeed