I'm Not Ready!

Seven days left until the new semester begins...the time is rapidly winding down, and my mind is rapidly winding up, along with the anxiety and stress. That is how a new semester always seems to begin! I remember one and a half years ago when I first began the nursing program, I was so terrified that I almost dropped out before I even started! Thanks to my mom I didn't quit, but I must admit, I do think about quitting all the time. In my life I've had a lot of challenges and obstacles that I give credit to making me a stronger, more resilient individual, but when it comes to nursing school... I *HATE* it! Now don't get me wrong, I *LOVE* nursing, and there's nothing in this world I'd rather do than become a nurse...but DAMN! It's hard, stressful, time-consuming, discouraging, and often feels like torture. I never thought I would want and need to work so hard to reach a goal in my entire life. I don't know what keeps me going, but I do know that I have to give some credit to my parents, especially my mom who continues to support and encourage me. Before the start of every semester I get in this mentality where I try and analyze the situation and create a strategy on how to complete it successfully...how to conquer the new challenges and obstacles basically; and try to recall which strategies have been successful in the past, and which have not. What has me worried the most in this upcoming semester is that it is the hardest semester of nursing, so if I can make it through this semester, the last semester *should* be a breeze! Hard to believe I only have 1 year left until I'm an RN! I'm definitely looking forward to it. If I have to do much longer than that I'll keel over dead from stress! I suppose that's why they make it so unpleasant, so people will work their hardest not to fail! I think other college and universities should implement that strategy, because I know the University in Green Bay is nice and cushy, so people don't want to leave and enter the harsh reality many folks refer to as "the real world." Like one of my cousins for instance...She gets all this free money for school so she doesn't have to work, and she has no incentive to pick a degree and work towards it. Not until recently that is! For the past three years she has received a bunch of scholarships and grants from the government because her parents are in the poverty level (although they live better than me and my family do!)... so every couple semesters she switches her major, basically in an effort to extend her graduation date. She lives in the dorms (she gets free housing), free tuition and book money, and a LOT of extra play money! A prime example of how people work the system. Then there's people like me, whose parents don't make a lot but we're not considered poor... They can't afford my tuition and books (and neither can I!), and I don't qualify for grants...I've applied for scholarships but never seem to get them. No, instead I have to get unsubsidized student loans. I work my ass off and I have worked hard to achieve the one goal I have had for the past 5 years (since I graduated High School). *Sigh* I guess it will make my graduation day all the more sweeter! I get so mad at lazy unmotivated people who just work the system while the rest of us "middle-class folk" suffer and pay the price for those "abusers." And now that the economy has went down the tubes, the government is just beginning to do something about it...by putting rules in place to deter that type of behavior. During winter break us students got an email... apparently they have just implemented a rule saying those who receive financial aid, get their returns, and then drop classes will have to repay that portion. ABOUT FRICKEN TIME if you ask me! I see it very often...people will enroll in 15, 18 credits, get their financial aid, then drop a few classes and keep the extra change! Talk about crooked. People never cease to amaze me. Nobody wants to really work for anything anymore, everybody wants it handed to them on a silver platter. I wonder how people obtain such an entitlement attitude. *Rolls eyes* I suppose it makes them feel like they are special, more special than everybody else. Hate to break it to them, but we're all sorta equal! People want equality, yet some of them want equality with special considerations! Hate to [also] tell them, you can't have both! Well, let me step off my soap box now and get to my ramblings!

Can't believe only seven days left of winter break, how disappointing! It flew by incredibly fast and it wasn't very good either. I started feeling sick the first week of break, then it slowly, progressively got worse. A week ago, I started getting these bad headaches like sinus headaches, like my brain was going to explode inside my skull! It was awful! Then I developed this lump on my head, slightly off center to the bridge of my nose near the corner of my left eye. It got really bad, it was hard as a rock, very painful and there was so much pressure. I waited a week before finally going to the doctor because I had hopes that it would go away on its own, but no luck! I really wasn't too worried until I started getting some swollen lymph nodes in my jaw and neck and a low-grade fever. Anyway, I finally went to the docs and what an idiot! I always get charged a $100 copayment, and then I see the doc for about 5 minutes, she tells me what's wrong but does nothing, and sends me on my merry way. Turns out it was a pretty nasty sinus and ear infection, an obstructed eustachian tube, an obstructed tear duct, and an inflamed lacrimal gland! The doctor said, and I quote... "oh, don't worry, this will go away on its own in time, *but if it doesn't* come back in!" Then she sent me on my merry way! I could have told myself the same thing. I was pretty disappointed. My doctor's office used to be a really good one until the regular physician and physician's assistant left. Now they have all these foreign doctors who come in, or fresh-out-of-med-school doctors. Nobody seems to want to do anything about anything, then send you a gigantic ass bill. No wonder our health care system sucks! You know, I don't think America should get NHS, but I also believe health care is a right, not a privilege. Maybe once I'm a nurse I will be able to make a difference, or create positive change. One of my other goals! I guess some people only look to make a difference in their own lives, but me...I want to make a difference in the lives of many. I suppose that's what makes me unique! That's what I love about this country, we Americans are dreamers! Unlike the rest of the world, we not only reach for the stars, we find a way to make it a possibility-to touch them, to feel them, to experience them. :)

Oh, that reminds me! LOL Yesterday I hung out with one of my cousins, we went to this new Chinese place for lunch (which was absolutely terrible) then we went to see that new Sherlock Holmes movie. GREAT movie by the way! It had a really good mixture of drama, action/adventure, and humor. A must-see for everybody; although for those of you who are sensitive and easily embarrassed by sexual nature (yes, most of you Christians out there), you might find the movie a bit inappropriate... so I suggest you lighten up and still go see it! :D I've read the reviews, and I have heard a lot of people saying that there was no storyline, or that the storyline wasn't complex? They are dead wrong! It had a very interesting storyline in my opinion, and people who are *THAT* hypercritical need to get a life, because damn, if you have *THAT* much time to sit there and psychoanalyze character relationships, or pick apart the storyline, you need a life... Obviously criticizing the artwork of others (whether it be writing, movies, music) you are trying to compensate for a lack of personal skill in that particular area. Oops, here I thought I had stepped off my soap box...guess I stepped back on again! You can probably figure out by now I don't take criticism well, lmao. I do if it's actually constructive and logical... but that's highly unusual these days it seems. Not to mention people who criticize others don't seem to do it in a very respectful manner, which I dislike. I know respect is earned, but I do believe everybody should be given *SOME* degree of common respect, unless they prove to be an incompetent idiot or just plain arrogant! Anyway, it's high time I head out. Got a bit of cleaning I want to do before school begins again, and I have to start my pre-semester coursework which I've been sort of putting off for as long as possible! Until next time, folks...!