Saturday, July 11, 2009
Have you ever wondered if you were where you are supposed to be in life? Is there an actual direction we are supposed to take, and a destination we are supposed to reach? How will we know when we have arrived? Seems like a pretty deep night tonight. I don't feel like myself. Usually I am a person full of hope and faith, but not tonight. It seems bitter, full of despair and disappointment, with an absence of self-confidence. I just got done talking to my best friend, and this may sound crazy, but her and I have been best friends for a LONG time, and it seems like the past few years, her and I have been alternating. What I mean by that is, when something bad happens to her, I can bet that something bad is about to happen to me, like fate has it that we are taking turns. But now...now it seems like we are both in sync with these concurrent negative events, like some evil force is working against us to see how much we can take until we crack. We haven't yet, but sometimes I do wonder if it is all really just a matter of time. But then something good happens that brings back a bit of hope, but all hope does is delay the inevitable disappointment. Right now I wonder which is better, to have your hopes constantly crushed, or to live in a world full of pointlessness and despair. Is despair when we cease to hope any longer? Is there really more to life, or is life truly just about existing? Something that we must complicate to appreciate its simplicity?