Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Monday, April 27, 2009

Another Late Night

It's 3:25 AM-still cold and still raining...and you guessed it, another restless night! I'm sitting here listening to the Styx Greatest Hits CD while reading the predictably-tragic news on CNN. There are quite a few startling articles tonight; the shooting at Hampton University, (Virginia again, no surprise, they breed lots of wackos) and the [new strain of] Swine Virus outbreak in Mexico. You don't have to be a student nurse or any other sort of health care provider to understand the dangers of this virus. And you should be worried, along with prepared. Although proper hand hygiene should always be practiced, it is especially recommended right now, along with always covering coughs and sneezes with a tissue if possible, otherwise coughing into your elbow is equally effective. This concept of coughing into the elbow frees the hands from contamination. It is also important to strengthen your immune system; right now the time is crucial. Foods high in antioxidants include: Fruits, such as berries, vegetables, such as peppers, parsley, and Brussels sprouts, spinach, and red beets, nuts and seeds, and antioxidant-fortified cereals/yogurt. So basically to sum this all up, practice appropriate hand hygiene, drink plenty of water, eat right, and make sure you get plenty of rest. Also, exercise is great, along with taking vitamins. Your immune system is one of the best defenses your body has, (and strengthening it is indisputable); besides the skin itself, which provides a physical barrier between the external and internal environment.

How routine is your routine? I was thinking earlier to how routine my routine is...the things I always do before bed. I never realized how much time it actually took until now, but I guess I have a touch of OCD because if I don't complete my routine every night, I can't seem to sleep (not that I can ever really sleep) until it is completed. Of course now that I have finished up with everything, I'm wide awake. GRRRR! This weekend was a total drag; the weather sucked and I don't have any homework that was pressing to be completed, so I ended up cleaning up my room a bit and organizing all my jewelry. The weather this week isn't looking too promising either. It seems like the real spring has finally sprung; rain...rain...did I mention rain? The temps have been low also, figures...I think if I don't make any plans, maybe we'll have a nice warm, sunny day?

I don't really feel like going to class in the morning, augh. Too bad attendance is mandatory...It's so stupid that it is mandatory, because I learn so much better when I'm not stuck in a boring lecture; wasting my afternoons listening to some self-appointed "expert" babble on and on about stupid things; when I could more easily acquire the information by reading the text book-which the instructor lectures from verbatim to begin with! Luckily the end of the semester is approaching, only 3-4 more weeks (depends on which class I'm referring to), and I am really looking forward to summer break. My grades are still holding strong, and I'm hoping I can keep them up. This is the worst time for me, when semester's end nears. I often find it difficult to stay focused, and I also lose motivation and patience quicker. Anyways, the weekend wasn't a total waste. Saturday and Sunday evening I spent a few hours searching through the college scholarship sites, and I filled out a bunch of applications. I *REALLY* hope I get one, or two, or more! It would be so sweet if I got even one though, that would help out so much, seeing as this economy is looking pretty dark, dim, and depressing. Obama signed into law an act that will make sure federal college funds are still available and offered to students, but who knows if that will really persevere in this rapidly failing economy.

It just turned 4 AM, I'm not sure if it is even worth it to try and go to sleep now! The puppy is curled up on the floor in his usual spot- right next to the wheels of my computer chair. He is such a people person, I don't think he could survive if he didn't have daily contact with people...sounds like me! I haven't heard any feedback on the status of my re-entry application. I'm so nervous about it, I have to get re-entered by fall, otherwise I think I have to start the program over with, which means re-taking all the my nursing core classes. That would be too much hell to endure over again. My best friend Mandy is graduating from University of Wisconsin-Green Bay in May, with a bachelors in economics. I hope she can find a decent job in this "indecent" economy. Funny, she'll have a degree in economics, and most likely will have trouble finding a job in the field of economics DUE TO POOR ECONOMICS! Talk about a true oxymoron! Well, I see the irony in it... I'm going to sign off now and hopefully get a few solid hours of solid sleep before class.
~Good night and Godspeed

Mother Earth's way of Population Control

Global eye turns toward virus; Mexico cases soar
Health officials around the world worked to contain what appears to be a spreading swine flu outbreak early Monday, while one out of every five residents of Mexico's most populous city wore masks to protect themselves against the virus. full story

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Snow in Spring

It's still cold...and it's still wet...but at least class was canceled...again! Woo Hoo! The weather is taking a break from snowing, and has switched to rain at the moment. I woke up at 7 AM this morning and there was a thin blanket of snow covering the landscape, which quickly turned to slush and now puddles of water. I just got done grooming the dog's nails. Stanley gets such bad anxiety when anyone messes with his feet so I try to do a little every day to get him used to the new pedipaws, but he still does not accept it well. Tucker (the puppy) on the other hand really enjoys the attention. It was another restless night last night, not much a surprise for anyone who knows me. I am, always have been, and always will be a night owl. But seeing as class was canceled, I most likely will go back to bed soon. Both the dogs are asleep on my floor and the snoring between the two of them is enough to vibrate objects right off of my desk! I don't have much to do today thank god, so I think the rest of the day will be pretty boring. I think I'll do some studying and finish cleaning my room and the rest of my laundry. Wow, 11:38 AM already, I kind of spaced out there for a while, I was messing around in Paint Shop Pro working on the image posted concurrent with this blog post. Graphic/Image editing is one of my specialties. The best part is, everything I can do on a computer with photo editing and all that jazz is self-taught! Pretty amazing huh? Well, I'm going to head out and take a nap.
~Good bye and Godspeed

Monday, April 20, 2009

It's cold...and it's wet...but at least class got canceled! Last night I was up late finishing my "rough draft" persuasive-research paper, and thank god I finished it. I did actually get a whole three hours of sleep, then I woke up to discover class had been canceled and I cannot explain in words the relief I experienced. Seeing as the weather sucks, I ended up going to bed to sleep the afternoon away. I just finished the rest of this week's homework, and am now just waiting until Heroes is on. It looks like an awesome episode. I don't think there is much more to do tonight, so it looks like it will be a nice quiet and calm relaxing night. There is a new episode of Bones on right now, YAY! TV is awesome, I don't know what I would do without it. It's such an effective way of escape from the tragedies of reality. Well I'm out of here, most likely will write more later.
~Good bye and Godspeed

Really Freakin' Early O'Clock

It's 3:12 AM right now, I just finished up the rough draft of my persuasive-research paper. Rough draft my ass actually, he just calls it a rough draft even though basically it is our final draft. I guess he needed a way for us to get 100 more points so he covers his ass in the competencies he's supposed to be teaching. My paper is on active euthanasia, and it is pro-support. It turned out really well too I might add, but I always do write well anyways. I guess I write so good because I suck at everything else. I pretty much suck at life! I'm kind of just spaced out now, my brain is a-bla. I'm not tired enough to sleep but I'm not awake enough to stay up until class, which I will have to wake up for in a few hours anyways, so not sure if I should even bother laying down for a few or stay up for a few and sit here being bored and doing nothing. I have a load of laundry in the wash but I'm too lazy to bother throwing it in the dryer now. The puppy is being a little bastard tonight doing the usual up-down-up-down dance. I don't know why either, he went potty an hour ago. I guess that's just how puppies are. The problem is he hears people rummaging downstairs and it gets him all antsy. Well, just took care of all that. Put the laundry in the dryer, I went pee and so did the puppy! You know, I wonder why boy dogs lift up their leg to pee. Is that like the equivalent of guys standing up to pee? Hmmm. Anyways, that sleep option is out of the question now. Figures too. Not really, it actually isn't the least bit surprising. My dad is awake, and if he can't sleep, that means nobody else can either, except mom because she could sleep through the next world war. So dad let Stanley, our other dog, into the living room, which is what Tucker, the puppy heard, and now he's all hyper and oh my god it is 3:25 AM and how am I going to be functional during class in the morning!

It's pissing down rain right now, and I can't believe how cold it got. Almost May and the forecast is calling for snow and rain mix for the next two days, YUCK!

Rain and Snow Mixed, High 42°, Low 33°
Rain mixing with snow; cool

Rain and Snow Mixed, High 41°, Low 34°
Snow mixing with rain; chilly for late April

Typical Wisconsin...it's like mother nature teases us up here...She'll give us a few days of absolutely gorgeous weather to get our hopes up, then sends us rain and snow! It really raises hell on the animals too, especially the calves. We already lost one calf and I'm 99.5% sure the other one is going to die very soon too. It's so incredibly sad to see baby animals die, they are so fragile and once they get sick it's almost impossible to nurse them back to health. That's what sucks the most about living on a farm. I wish I could do more for them, it just breaks my heart. Working in the health care field you see a lot of that...suffering I mean. And a lot of hopelessness. There are the good moments and the bad. I know that's the reason I lost my faith...a big reason anyways, not the only reason. When you see so many bad things in your life, there's only so much you can explain away with that stupid ever-so-often "god has another plan..." bullshit. Or "the lord works in mysterious ways." All I can say is, if you have faith, good for you, but some of us don't need to believe in the fictional word to have meaning in life. I almost died once, and I'll tell you this... You know what happens when you die? Nothing...You die and you get buried six feet under. That's all. Sorry, but it's the truth. The truth does hurt, especially when you hope for something so hard and you don't get it. It's a real kick in the gut. Ah, the joys of living in reality, rather than fantasy. I suppose, I should head to bed and try to get a few hours of sleep, maybe I will if I'm lucky! I have to pick out what I want to wear tomorrow, that way when I wake up in the morning I don't sit there for an hour deciding what to wear and try on all my shirts until I run out of time and am forced to wear the last thing I try on.
~Good night and Godspeed

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Early O'Clock

It's 1:21 AM and I'm absolutely bored out of my skull. Friday had its up's and down's, but overall it wasn't *too* bad, apart from getting only four hours of sleep before my major AnP lab exam, which covered the brain, cranial nerves, heart and associated blood vessels. It is indisputable how important AnP is to any health science program; however, sometimes I do wonder about the college's choice in staff. Anyways, back to the lab exam. The way a lab exam works is the instructor will use models and body parts; he'll place colored pins in a specific structure which we then have to identify. Sounds easy enough right? Well the problem then comes down to, which exact structure is the pin pointing to? Because if you've ever seen a real human heart (or brain), it looks like a pile of meat with strings and tubes. So it is hard to determine whether he is pointing to the Mitral valve, or the Chordae Tendonae! Or whether he is looking for a specific chamber of the heart, rather than the Papillary muscles. It can get really frustrating because these lab exams are a large percentage of our overall grade, so passing every single one of them is a must-there is no room for failure. That's the problem with the health science program courses; the questions are always broad, but the answers must be specific. Even if we have to peer through our crystal balls to distinguish the details of a question. Unfortunately, I don't own a crystal ball, and I'm no psychic. I keep telling myself that once this nursing boot camp is over with, my hard work will pay off. I really hope so, because sometimes it can be a living nightmare, and that the discouragement and knock-down's from the science Nazi's will...no, IS worth it. However, how much abuse should one really put up with?

Anyways, the weather was gorgeous today (I'm still considering today Friday), but I was so tired after class that I got home and slept solid for the next five hours! I had a lot I wanted to do, but sometimes sleep is the most productive thing one can really do. It can be almost impossible to be productive when you can barely keep your eyes open and your mind focused. That last sentence pretty much sums up what I experience every single day. It figures too, that I slept the beautiful afternoon and evening away today because this weekend, the weather isn't supposed to be as lovely. Yesterday (Thursday) was a nice day out too, and I didn't do anything too productive besides studying and doing homework. But I did have a nice time going for a short drive and taking pictures of the river at my "secret" spot, which is not so secret anymore. Sometimes all it takes to cheer me up is that one single moment of a beautiful view. And I like to share that sight with my friends. I guess it gives me a sense of...well, I don't know, but it makes me happy when I can share that captured beauty in a photo and pass it along to my friends and family. Especially if it is overwhelmingly spectacular. There's just something magical about being able to save that view forever, and that is what photography is all about. I can't say I really have many hobbies. Basically I just take pictures (all the time), write (poetry usually), or walk around outside with my dogs. Those are my coping mechanisms, and they seem to work pretty well, so far! If I have the spare time I do like scrap booking, creating home made greeting cards, which is a new founded talent, and sketching. Although the thing I like most is traveling. Every summer I find the time and money to take a short trip to the UP (Upper Peninsula of Michigan), my most favorite place on Earth. I'm pretty acquainted with the area and I love going up there. If it weren't so far away from my definition of civilization, I would move up there. It's a nice place to escape to when I need peace of mind and solitude.

I don't have much planned for the weekend seeing as it is supposed to rain, so I will probably just sit around studying and doing homework. I just watched that new version of "Journey to the Center of the Earth," the one released in 2008 starring Brenden Fraser. It was good, at least I liked it anyways. I'm about to watch another movie, "Body of Lies" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. It's about a CIA agent who teams up with a veteran operative to infiltrate an underground terrorist network and to locate a criminal mastermind. Sounds pretty good to me! Well it's nearly 2 AM now so I'm going to go and watch this movie and hopefully get some sleep.
~Good night and Godspeed

Thursday, April 16, 2009

1:11 AM

Well today was a good day. I had an exam in my developmental psych class, which I think went OK. And the weather was absolutely gorgeous, but I didn't really get much done except for straightening up my room a bit, and helping feed the cows at Will's. Then of course I came home and was so dead tired after my boring day at class that I took a nap. Dad went to Subway and got us all subs, so that was awesome to wake up to! It was yummylicious. Since there was nothing good on TV, I decided to finish up my online class. It is broken down into module exams. This particular class had 13 modules, and I had done 7, so tonight I finished 8-13. Now I'm sitting at a 90% in that class. The only thing I have left to do is go to campus and take the written proctored final exam, but I should do good on it, seeing as this class sort of runs concurrent with AnP. It's a win-win situation! I'm wide awake, as usual. Freakin' insomnia running havoc on my system, but that's nothing new. Later today will be a pretty busy day for me. I've got a lot to do, but thankfully I've finished my online workload so now I really just have to worry about my other three classes. We have a lecture quiz and a lab exam this Friday in AnP that I *need* to study for intensely. The brain and heart. The heart is my strongest subject, but the structures of the brain...That's a whole other story! I don't know why I've got such a boost in confidence, but it feels wonderful. It sucks being depressed all the time and having the need to hide it, but somehow I always manage to push myself along and drag myself out of the rut that constantly reminds me of what a nothing I've been for most of my life. But all is going pretty well now, and sooner than I realize, summer vacation will be here and I'll be starting second semester nursing. Woo hoo! Well, I'm going to head out, it's getting late and I don't want to waste the day sleeping.
~Good night and Godspeed

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A NO World

This is a NO world. No love, pure hate. No needs, just wants. Only ends to no means. No friends, just users. No reasons, no motives, no business to no heroes. No opportunities, just survival. No light at the end of the tunnel, no light in the darkness. It's all dark, where your hands are your eyes and you can feel the stone coldness that has no heart. NO Hope!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Murky Mondays

Well, today was a nice end to my lovely weekend while my "little" cousin was here. She's not little, and she's 14 years old, but to me, she will always be my "little" cousin. We had a lot of fun and she is always such a helping hand, always willing to put others needs before herself. I admit she is at that age where she thinks she knows all and is all, typical adolescent egocentrism, which I am intimately familiar with, seeing as I went through the same thing at her age! But nonetheless, I always enjoy spending time with her. After I brought her home, her, her sister and brother helped me pick rocks from the quarry. You know, those big ones you sometimes see bordering people's flower beds and gardens. I must have got about 400 pounds worth, it was a killer on my car! Well, I drove back to the quarry so we wouldn't have to haul the stones so far, and put the parking brake on so my car wouldn't roll down the hill, like one of those Hollywood scenes that are ever so cliche. After we finished, I left and about five miles out, I noticed my car was acting very strangely; shaking and vibrating. I couldn't figure what was going on, but I just assumed it was because of the extra weight from the rocks. Then as I was going up hill, I noticed...I forgot to take off the parking brake! Anyone who knows me most likely would not be surprised by this, and label it off as another "Heidi-moment."

Class was dull today. On Mondays and Tuesdays I have written communication, with a teacher who is 40 but strives so effortlessly to act 20. It provides for good entertainment anyways. During the entire class we discussed only logical fallacies. Wow, so interesting eh?! Logical fallacies are everywhere, but most noticeably in politics. It's always good to know that every single person in this world has some self-serving motives, because we are all just human: corruptible, greedy, selfish, weak, not to mention extremely flawed. Great to know the people we appoint to be responsible to watch over our well being are no different than us, except they have more power. Yet we still vote for them, and we still have appointed officials. Why? Because as humans, being selfish and greedy and irresponsible, need authority. We need law and order. We all know what it is like to be completely lawless. Just look at what is going on off the coats of Somalia... There is an extreme lack of government, forcing their people to hijack ships and survive off ransom received. I don't agree that it is right, but what else can they do? Sit idly by and starve to death? Watch their children starve to death? You can say, "well, they should have made sure they were able to care for their children before having them," but when something that can't always be prevented happens, what can you really do? And there is no government to bail them out like our government is doing on wall street. Hmm, the economy is going to hell, so let's throw money into it and see if that helps. Nope, it didn't help the first time, but let's try again anyways! Those CEO's need their multimillion dollar bonuses. "You all are doing a bang up job, literally, keep up the bad work!"

It's funny how we look at things like health care and automobiles as needs. It's also funny to see what we have became, compared to how we used to be. I have a friend who I was talking to earlier. She also keeps a blog and was describing how unfair it is that rich people pay more taxes than poor people. I can, to a point, understand her logic in this area; however, I come from a family that does not make "a lot." For me, a family that makes over 100K dollars a year...WOW! To me, that's a whole hell of a lot of money. Yet she complains that it isn't enough. Nevertheless, that doesn't stop her from eating shrimp and lobster three times a week, or dropping 200$ a month at the salon getting her nails done, or spending 100$ on a spring dress that she could easily herself make. She doesn't know the meaning of sacrifice, or needs. She just knows wants.

I can't wait until the weather starts getting nicer. Here in Wisconsin, it's not uncommon to have all four seasons in one day! Today wasn't too bad, a bit chilly, windy and cloudy. My cousin helped me brush the pony, who I call "Sassy Ass." She's a really sweet pony though, a Shetland pony/Pinto horse cross. Very beautiful colors and markings. The best part about living on a farm is you are never alone. Animals are amazing creatures, most with the ability to sense emotions. I know whenever I'm in a bad mood I have many shoulders to cry on! More shoulders than I can count. Two horses, a pony, two dogs, a herd of beef cows, and about a dozen cats. It's quite a variety, and I would never give up the farm life. Although it can be a pain, and the smell during the summer is definitely unique...farm life can be so majestic, but it takes an animal lover to put up with the constant fence-mending and shit-shoveling. Nothing can compare however, to the sight of an absolutely beautiful horse galloping through the field, coat shimmering, almost glistening like sun on water. The rhythmic sound of hooves striking the ground with such force...it's truly amazing. I'll leave it off with that thought.
~Good night and Godspeed

Friday, April 10, 2009

Wandering Aimlessly

It's been one of those days where you don't want to care, but no matter how hard you try, you still do. I knew nursing school wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't expect it to be *this* hard. It's not really hard; to be exact, it is more time consuming than anything else. Essays and research papers, to practicing skills and studying in the labs-not to mention clinicals. Nursing is easy to grasp, and mostly common sense, but anatomy and physiology is one of the most meticulous topics to learn, and the funny part is, this is my second time taking it! Last August was when I started the nursing program. I was so nervous before it started that I even contemplated switching majors, but my mom talked me out of it. So, I started, and it was rough at first, but the semester ended and I passed with 90-92% in all my nursing core classes..except anatomy and physiology (AnP as we call it). AnP is technically just a general education class, but it is a nursing requirement, for obvious reasons! Well, I knew it would be a lot of memorization, but who knew that I would just happen to piss off my instructor, who is a pretentious, self-appointed Deity of the human body...because his chiropractor license says so. Now, you may think I am paranoid for thinking that he failed me on purpose, but I was there, I know what happened! Well, since I didn't pass AnP, I couldn't move on to second semester nursing, so here I am stuck a semester without nursing, while a majority of my friends moved on (except a couple unlucky bastards like myself); and taking boring general education classes. Right now I'm taking four classes: Written Communication, Developmental Psychology, Anatomy and Physiology, and Human Body in Health and Disease. Only six weeks left of the semester and I'm hanging in there. I have three A's, and one B, so I'm pretty proud, so as long as I can hold onto my good grades. That will boost my GPA back up to above a 3.0, where it should be!

Well anyway, today we had our third lecture exam in AnP, and I felt extremely confident, until I saw my test score. What a real kick in the gut. I got a C, and it sucked, I was so disappointed. I really hate tests/exams, especially when instructors feel the need to try and trick you with giving you two really good answers, and logically both answers may apply, but you have to "pick the best one." What kind of bullshit is that? That's the problem with schools, colleges, and universities. They don't care about intuition, they just care about teaching ways of formal thinking. Luckily it only dropped my grade 2 percentage points, so I'm sitting at an 84% right now. I've got six weeks to bring it back up, I'm really aiming for an A, but realistically, I would settle for a B. I don't usually get pissed off too easily, but today was just one of those days. You sit there asking yourself, "Why do I feel this way? Where did my patience and reasoning abilities go?" My fuse was so short that I ended up leaving lecture an hour early and just completely skipping lab all together. It was worth it though because I have my "little" cousin (she's 14 yo) over here for the weekend. It's been a while since I seen her, since spring break to be exact, which was about mid-March I believe. Earlier when we got home, we started doing some scrap booking and watched some movies, which lasted until an hour ago. I haven't had time to do anything fun since her brother was home on mid-tour leave from Iraq, and this weekend I needed a break from anything college-related, so I made time. We're going to have a lot of fun. Tomorrow, I think we'll end up finishing up cleaning the yard, it's been a project of mine for the past week. There was a lot of junk, seeing as we live on a farm, things just tend to accumulate. But I always feel better when things are cleaned and laid out in an organized fashion. It makes me feel better about myself. It especially helps when your life is constantly in chaos, like mine used to be. I'm lucky though, I made it out of that situation alive, and I've got the scars as a constant reminder. Scars are funny things in that way, as each one has a story. Most of us only remember the more severe of them though.

Well it is now 7 after midnight, wow the time really flew by! My best friend will be graduating from a university in May, with a bachelors in economics. It's going to be hard for her, seeing as she has never worked a day in her life and her parents have always made the tough choices for her. She is my age (21) but almost everyone treats her like a kid, so that is how she acts. It's going to be a surprise when she enters the workforce and people start treating her like her age, and it'll begin to rub off when she's at home. I wish the best of luck to her though, she's always been such a great friend to me, always sticking by my side even when I royally screwed up my life. The other day when I was cleaning my room I decided to go through my "chest of memories," which is what I call my wicker chest. Have you ever gone through old pictures or papers, and suddenly a wave of sadness fell upon you? That's what happened to me, thinking of all the "what if's" of life...how would things have played out if this and that didn't happen. It's sad to think about, and I wonder why that is built into our cognition. Well, it's getting late and I want to catch an episode or two of Star Trek!
~Good night and Godspeed

False Hope

Loving, hating, wanting, waiting
Life is such, it’s so degrading
Passed down to new generations
Accepted with no hesitations
Torture, anguish, hatred, sorrow
Hoping not to live tomorrow
The curses given without choice
Death will come with much rejoice.
Laughs, cries, it screams good byes
Life’s new start comes in disguise
Blinded by false motivation
Life is such, pure devastation.